I ACCIDENTALLY MARRIED A DUNGEON

Felix watched the cat turn slowly, its eyes narrowing at him from across the rooftop. He smirked and flung a card, spinning fast through the air, and a sudden gust of wind twisted it off course, sending it past the cat’s ear by mere inches.

"Damn air." He clicked his tongue and advanced, pulling out another card. The cat cut right and broke into a sprint.

"You’re not going anywhere." Felix threw again, and the cat leapt clean over it at the last possible second. "What? How?"

He gave chase, throwing card after card, and every single one either landed just short of the mark or the cat shifted at the exact right moment to slip past it untouched. "What the hell is wrong with me today?"

The cat launched off the rooftop and landed cleanly on the next one over. Felix’s eyes widened. He channeled Numen down into his legs and jumped after it, hitting the far roof hard, rolling once before scrambling back to his feet. The cat was already sprinting away.

"Seriously, what is wrong with this damn cat?" He dug his boots in and pushed forward, vaulting rooftop to rooftop, shoving aside laundry strung between lines as he went. Twice he got close enough to nearly close a hand around it, and both times it slipped through his legs and doubled back to the roof he’d just come from.

His frustration climbed with every failed attempt, narrowing his focus down to nothing but the cat itself, the rest of the world blurring out around him entirely. Wherever it jumped, he followed. Whatever direction it cut, he matched. Somewhere in all of it, the actual plan, driving it toward the open square, had slipped clean out of his head.

The cat glanced back at him mid-sprint, and the red thread tied around its leg flared bright for a split second as it leapt off the edge of the roof. Felix jumped right after it, and before his feet ever touched ground, he collided hard with something solid.

He hit the dirt rolling, wincing through the impact. "What the hell was that?" He pushed himself up, rubbing his shoulder.

"Did I just get clotheslined by air?" He looked around and found Hakimi already back on his feet nearby. "This idiot. Watch where you’re going."

Hakimi brushed the dust off his sleeves, unbothered. "You’re the one who ran into me, fool."

"I ran into you? I was chasing the damn cat, and you just materialized out of thin air." Felix let out a slow breath. "What are you even doing on the rooftops? Shouldn’t you be down there shopping with your master?"

"I’m looking for her." Hakimi replied. "Came up here to get a better view, but everyone looks the same from this height."

"You lost her?" Felix shook his head. "That’s rough. You’re supposed to stick with her no matter what, that’s the whole job description. Personal knight, my ass. This kind of carelessness, I’d have fired you on the spot."

"Watch your mouth. I don’t need lessons on carelessness from you." Hakimi shot him a look. "Go chase your cat and collect your cheated winnings."

"Cheated?" Felix’s eyes narrowed. "Oh, listen to this, Mister Nanny. That was a fair win. That’s called skill."

"Whatever, trash." Hakimi turned toward the edge of the roof and looked down at the crowd.

"Whatever, loser." Felix spat and scowled, scanning the surrounding rooftops until his eyes landed on the cat crouched behind Hakimi’s legs. His mouth curled into a grin. Got you now.

He pulled a card and threw it. The cat leapt sideways, and the card twisted mid-air, arcing straight for Hakimi’s face. He caught it clean out of the air without even turning fully around.

"You trying to get yourself killed?" Hakimi flung it back at him.

Felix snatched it out of the air, already stalking toward the cat, eyes darting side to side. He lunged, and the cat hopped up, walked casually across his back, and dropped down behind him. "I am going to kill you."

Hakimi watched the whole thing with open disgust, then turned back toward the street below. His eyes caught on Diana emerging from the alley. "Found her."

Felix spun, brushing at his own back, the cat weaving out of his reach again with every attempt.

"Enough!" He shoved himself upright. The cat perched briefly on his shoulder, then leapt across to Hakimi’s instead.

Hakimi glanced sideways at it, and it scrambled up onto the top of his head. He turned just in time to see Felix already sprinting straight at him. "Wait, wait. STOP!"

Felix didn’t stop. He jumped, hands closing around the cat. "Finally."

Hakimi’s body twisted, trying to absorb the impact, and failed, going down with Felix landing right on top of him. "What is wrong with you?"

"You should watch where you jump, trash insect." Hakimi shoved him off mid-fall.

The cat twisted free from Felix’s grip in the chaos and bolted, leaping into a nearby chimney gap and vanishing from sight, leaving Felix staring down at his own empty hands, a single loose thread of red string caught between his fingers.

Diana pulled Dune back into the alley. "Slow down."

"What happened?" Dune asked.

"Nothing yet." Diana peeked her head around the corner, glancing right. "Those city guards are looking for me. If they catch me, they’ll drag me straight back to the palace."

Dune nodded. "Then you should stay here."

"No, no. You’re staying with me." Diana kept a firm grip on her hand. "Just wait a bit. They’ll move on eventually."

"Okay." Dune stepped back and leaned against the wall.

Diana settled beside her, breathing slower now, and glanced over at Dune, noticing for the first time the faint black lines tracing across her neck and up along her cheekbone. "What are those marks on your face?"

"I don’t know." Dune answered plainly. "Felix put something on my skin. He said it hides them from other people. If anyone asks, I’m supposed to say I don’t know."

"Oh." Diana blinked, caught off guard by how openly that came out. Guess he never actually taught her how to lie properly.

A rustle sounded from above, and something small dropped straight onto Dune’s head.

"The cat!" Diana blurted.

"What?" Dune glanced up, then felt the weight settle against her scalp. She reached for it, and the cat leapt clear off her head straight into Diana’s arms instead.

"Is this—"

"The cat who took our gold." Dune reached for it. "Give it here."

"Wait, stop, you’ll scare her." Diana pulled it in closer, protective, then caught sight of the coin pouch still clenched between its teeth.

"You there!"

"Huh—" Diana spun toward the voice on instinct.

Six men were closing in fast from the far end of the alley.

"Wh-what?" she managed.

"Hand over that cat right now, or you’re dead."