I ACCIDENTALLY MARRIED A DUNGEON

She did it again.

Felix slouched on the edge of his client’s bedroom, his head in his hands, staring down into the hole that led to the wreckage beneath. He could not believe it. He had warned her – he had instructed her in no uncertain terms – to take it slowly.

He breathed out. Perhaps some of it was his fault. He could have given her more specific instructions. "Don’t break anything" was not detailed enough, obviously.

Thinking about it now, the whole disaster traced back to a single mistake.

A very large mistake

If he had only chosen to walk by that secret chamber.

He looked over at her. She sat cross-legged at the edge of the hole, dust on her clothes, a small smile playing on her lips as she admired her work.

It’s not even my house! How am I going to explain this to the client!

Not that I can do much about it. She’s my wife, after all.

A few days before all this.

Felix stopped at the threshold and let the others walk ahead without him. The forest was quiet, the early morning silence not yet settled. A low fog sat between the trees, softening the flat grey light that made shadows soft and distances hard to judge.

He exhaled slowly, adjusted the strap of his pack against his shoulder and stepped inside, catching up to the party ahead.

Garrett walked at the front without looking back, moving at a pace everyone else matched without being told. Silas and Deren followed a few paces behind him, and behind them Bron had his axe out already, resting it against his shoulder as he walked. Mira walked at his side, her steps easy and unhurried.

Felix settled into place at the rear, close enough to belong and far enough back that nobody would notice if he slowed down to look at something. He had known them for a couple of months, which in adventuring terms meant he knew their fighting styles, their complaints, and approximately how much noise each of them made while sleeping in a shared camp. They had still invited him, which he chose to interpret generously.

He pulled a card from his pocket as he walked, the two of spades, and held it between two fingers. Drifting toward the left wall, he dragged the card’s edge lightly along the stone surface. A thin scrape of dust fell away, catching what little light reached this far into the tunnel, and the card responded with a faint glow against his fingers. Felix stopped walking.

His eyes moved across the wall in quick passes, tracing cracks and seams in the stone, searching for the warmth that Numen energy left behind when it pooled inside ore or older deposits. The glow held for a moment, flickered, and faded.

"Did the dungeon start talking to you again, Felix?" Silas said without stopping, throwing the words back over his shoulder.

Deren slowed beside him and glanced over. "Did you find something?"

"No, it’s..." Felix watched the last of the glow leave the card. "It’s nothing." He turned and followed them, muttering under his breath. I thought there should be something...

"Then stop being dead weight or we’re leaving you here. You can talk to your dungeon forever." Silas kept walking like the conversation was already over.

Felix caught up with Mira and fell into step beside her.

"Sorry about him," she said. "Silas is a jerk. You were scanning for Numen traces, right?"

"Yeah." Felix slipped the card back into his pocket. "But it was completely dry." He glanced ahead at the group, then raised his voice slightly. "Thanks for asking, Garrett."

"Don’t mention it," Mira said. "It wasn’t a hard job anyway. We’ve worked together enough times by now."

"Yeah." Felix looked ahead at the tunnel. "Anyone can do what I do. Just picking things up mostly."

Mira observes his grim expression.

Felix acted quickly. "I’m sorry for what I said just now... I – I know..."

He exhales. "I know that Sillas was right when he said that I am just dead weight. Anyone else could take my place. And I know... Even if I was born with special power, I am still worthless. But I really don’t wish to burden you with all of this. You helped me a lot of times already... But by doing this you position yourself on the bad side. I don’t want that. You have your own family to take care of, while I am just myself. I have many ways to make a living."

"Fine then." She turns her head away from him.

"I didn’t mean to make you mad."

"Then why say things like that in the first place." Her voice was flat and she kept her eyes ahead. She muttered something after, quiet enough that it was almost private. "I swear I’m never inviting you again.

Felix didn’t answer and continued walking by her side without looking at her; there was nothing that he could have said. He wasn’t ever good at communicating with other people; his entire life had been spent in a village outside the Rosia Kingdom along with his grandfather.

That’s why I never liked communicating with other people. You will always have to prove who you are, why you belong. They would just make me say even a little something sensitive. And I would feel as if it is my fault... Sigh... Actually dungeons are much better; you can touch them, feel them, and even tell your sad story, and it wouldn’t argue against it. It would only listen.

"Are you talking to the Doungen?" Mira asked abruptly.

"What – no," Felix turned his face away. He saw Silas’s laughing face slightly.

Mira’s expression didn’t change. "I’ve seen you do it on almost every run we’ve done together. You go quiet and your mouth starts moving."

"It doesn’t."

"It does."

Felix looked at the wall beside him and said nothing.

"So what is it?" she asked. "A habit? Something you picked up?"

It took him long enough to reply that she probably thought he wasn’t going to say anything at all. But then he let out his breath through his nose and replied, "my grandfather used to tell me dungeons are living things."

Mira waited for more.

"Living in a way different from a moving being is alive. It lives just as old trees live. Living without the need to act on it. He used to say they know everything that goes on within them and keep it the same way the trees keep their rings. Everyone who had ever walked through. Every battle. Every voice. Just keep it there, layer by layer over the years." Felix traced his thumb across the strap of his pack.

"And did you actually believe him?"

"I was eight. I don’t remember believing anything specific. It just felt like the truth because it is when it comes from someone who knows the truth, and says it with enough belief." His eyes flitted away from the wall and back down to the floor. "I kept up the practice even after I realized that it must have been just made-up stories. It feels strange not saying something when I walk into a place like this one. As though I ignored someone standing beside me."

Mira thought for a moment. "That’s not embarrassing. That’s just something that your grandfather left you."

"Yeah I know... It’s just—" He was interrupted mid-sentence because he felt the presence of an enemy approaching.

Mira acknowledged the man with a nod and they got closer to the rest.

At the front, Gerrett stopped, in front of them was a hall room, with many holes in the ceiling. He held his flame torch high in his hands and looked around. With each passing second the sound was getting clearer.

Eight spiders dropped out of holes in the ceiling simultaneously and started hissing and clicking their legs. The creatures were pale, with bloated and transparent bodies, crawling quickly on the stone floor towards the group.

Gerrett and Bron took several steps forward without even exchanging a word. Garret killed the first one with a slash of his sword straight through the body. Bron slashed another one with his axe, sending two of them sliding along the floor, their legs flailing.

Deren threw up his hand, making two air slashes, killing one climbing the left wall of the room. Silas walked right into the middle of them and started hitting things, stone covering his forearms.

Felix and Mira held the rear. Felix watched the fight with his hands loose at his sides, tracking the count.

Seven. Then five. Then four.

One slipped around Bron’s left side and came fast along the wall, angling straight for Mira.

Felix’s hand went into his pocket before he thought about it. He pulled two cards, pushed Numen through them until they glowed faintly against his fingers, and threw them both.

They landed square across the spider’s eyes. It screamed, a thin horrible sound, and twisted sideways into the wall.

Mira exhaled beside him.