Raising the Villain in Wrong Way

Lin Ji’an had just finished giving her grand, villain-defying speech and was turning to lead her trembling Class 9 ducklings deeper into the woods, confident that she had thoroughly dealt with the royal nuisance.

She took precisely three steps.

Then, the forest exploded.

It wasn’t an explosion of fire or Qi, but an explosion of sheer, unadulterated panic.

The dense underbrush to the east was violently flattened as the five Class 6 guards burst back into the clearing, screaming at the top of their lungs, their swords abandoned somewhere in the dirt.

Behind them, tripping over her own elaborate crimson skirts, came Princess Zhao Ling’er.

The haughty arrogance was gone. Her face was paper-white, tears streaming down her cheeks, and she was scrambling backward like a crab as a massive shadow blotted out the sun.

"Help! Someone! Brother Lin!" Ling’er shrieked, her voice cracking.

Ji’an whipped around, her hand instinctively flying to her Black Iron Spatula.

Slithering out of the treeline was a Shadow-Weave Serpent. It was a terrifying specimen of this forest, easily forty feet long, with scales that shifted seamlessly between pitch black and forest green, rendering it practically invisible until it moved.

Its head was the size of a carriage, and its yellow, slit-pupil eyes burned with a calculating, malicious intelligence.

"Oh, come on!" Ji’an groaned, pushing Tang Bo and Liu Liu behind her. "I just got rid of you people! Did you dip yourselves in meat gravy before coming here?!"

The serpent didn’t roar; it hissed, a low, vibrating sound that made the ground tremble. It wasn’t a mindless beast acting on instinct.

It looked at the fleeing guards, ignored them, and locked its intelligent gaze on the slowest, most brightly dressed target: the Princess.

Ling’er tripped backward over a protruding tree root. She fell hard, a sickening pop echoing from her ankle.

She cried out, clutching her leg, staring up as the massive snake reared its head, unhinging its jaw to reveal fangs dripping with purple venom.

The Class 6 guards kept running. Su Wan, the "Princess’s best friend," had hidden behind a thick oak tree the moment the beast appeared, covering her mouth with her hands, entirely unwilling to step forward.

Ling’er squeezed her eyes shut, raising her arms in a futile gesture to block the incoming strike.

CLANG!

The sound of heavy metal striking bone echoed through the clearing.

Ling’er didn’t feel teeth. She cautiously opened one eye.

Standing directly over her, her back straight and her gray robes fluttering in the wind generated by the snake’s strike, was Lin Ji’an.

Ji’an was holding her spatula with both hands, the flat of the heavy iron pressed firmly against the serpent’s lower jaw, completely halting its downward momentum. The veins in Ji’an’s arms popped against the strain, her boots digging deep into the dirt.

"You guys," Ji’an gritted her teeth, glaring at the serpent, "are the worst foraging partners ever."

The serpent hissed furiously, whipping its tail around to sweep Ji’an off her feet.

"Oh, no you don’t!"

Ji’an channeled her Five-Grain Qi. Heat radiated from her body, traveling down her arms and into the spatula. The iron turned glowing red.

The snake shrieked as the hot metal seared its scales, violently pulling its head back.

This beast was smart. Realizing frontal assault against the weirdly hot weapon was a bad idea, it began to circle, its scales shifting color to blend with the shadows of the canopy.

It was looking for an opening, its eyes darting between Ji’an and the injured Princess on the ground.

"Liu Liu! Tang Bo! Throw the pepper bombs! Now!" Ji’an ordered without taking her eyes off the shifting shadows.

From behind the safety of a boulder, Tang Bo and Liu Liu hurled a volley of the Exploding Chili Peppers they had gathered.

The red pods hit the forest floor around the snake, detonating in a series of sharp POPS.

A cloud of spicy, eye-watering red dust filled the air.

The serpent, relying heavily on its tongue to taste the air for prey, inadvertently flicked its forked tongue straight into the chili cloud.

The beast thrashed wildly, blinded and sneezing violently, its camouflage breaking as it writhed in agony.

"Perfect marinade," Ji’an smirked.

She didn’t hesitate. With a burst of speed from her Shadow Step, she launched herself into the air, using the trunk of a nearby tree as a springboard.

She soared high above the thrashing serpent, gripping her spatula.

To a swordsman, a snake’s scales were armor. But to a chef, they were just fish skin that needed to be scaled against the grain.

Ji’an descended, twisting her body. She didn’t chop; she slid the thin edge of the spatula directly under the overlapping scales at the base of the serpent’s skull, the precise location of its spinal cord.

Squelch.

With a surge of burning Qi, she severed the nerve cluster in one clean, surgical strike.

The massive beast went completely rigid for a split second before collapsing onto the forest floor with an earth-shaking thud. Dead.

Ji’an landed lightly on the grass, twirling her spatula to flick off the blood.

"Snake gall," she muttered to herself, instantly dropping into a crouch next to the carcass. "Excellent for clearing toxins. And snake meat... a bit bony, but if I braise it for two hours, it falls right off."

She pulled out a boning knife and, cleanly and neatly, began to dissect the beast right there, completely ignoring the stunned audience.

Once she had secured the gall bladder, the core, and the prime cuts of meat into jade boxes, Ji’an finally wiped her hands on a rag and turned her attention back to the humans.

Princess Ling’er was still sitting in the dirt. Her crimson dress was torn, her hair ornaments were askew, and she was clutching her right ankle, tears streaming silently down her face.

She was trying desperately to maintain a stiff upper lip, but the pain was clearly agonizing.

Her guards were slowly creeping back into the clearing, looking thoroughly ashamed.