Raising the Villain in Wrong Way

"I do not!" Gu Zhiwei protested, standing up. "I have perfect balan--- whoa!"

He stepped on a slick patch of moss and flailed, arms windmill-ing.

Ji’an reached out and grabbed the back of his collar, steadying him before he could face-plant into a patch of Spiky Thorns.

"Perfect balance," Ji’an deadpanned, releasing him.

Gu Zhiwei laughed, rubbing his neck. "See? Brother Lin always catches me."

By the time they finished, Ji’an’s bag was full of herbs, and Gu Zhiwei looked like he had wrestled a swamp monster and lost.

"We should go," Ji’an said, looking at the setting sun. "Before the Young Sect Lord comes patrolling and has an aneurysm seeing you covered in mud."

"Right!" Gu Zhiwei nodded. He looked at his dirty hands. "This was fun. I never knew... digging was so satisfying."

He looked at Ji’an, his eyes full of admiration.

"Brother Lin, you really are amazing. You turn ’trash’ weeds into treasure. You turn a kitchen into a home. I... I want to be like you."

Ji’an patted his shoulder, mostly to wipe some dirt off her own hand onto his robe.

"Aim higher, kid. Aim higher."

As they parted ways at the edge of the garden, Gu Zhiwei turned back.

"Brother Lin!" he shouted.

"What?"

"Next time... can we try making that ’Hotpot’ you mentioned? I can bring the fire!"

"Bring the fire, leave the explosion!" Ji’an shouted back.

She watched him run off toward the Inner Sect, tripping once but recovering, waving happily.

Ji’an shook her head, a small smile tugging at her lips despite herself.

"Silly," she muttered. "Totally silly."

She looked at her full bag of herbs.

"Well," she thought, walking back toward her kitchen. "I failed to stay away. The Plot is sticky. But..."

She remembered Gu Zhiwei’s lonely confession about the pedestal.

"...at least if the villain tries to kill me later, I have a human shield who can blind him with sunshine."

She hummed a tune, unaware that back in the Inner Sect, a certain Ice-Block Villain was currently staring at a communication talisman, wondering why his Young Master smelled faintly of "Holy Light" and "Stupidity" from three miles away.

[System Alert: Relationship Upgrade!]

[Gu Zhiwei (The Saint): Level - Sworn Little Brother (Self-Appointed).]

[Perk Unlocked: ’Halo of the Protagonist’ (Minor Luck Boost when near Gu Zhiwei).]

[Side Effect: Increased chance of stumbling into dramatic plot points.]

***

The sun was dipping below the horizon, painting the sky in hues of bruised purple and burnt orange.

In the secluded "Weed Section" of Medicine Peak, the air was filled with the scent of freshly turned earth and the lingering, spicy aroma of exploded chili peppers.

Lin Ji’an stood up, dusting the soil from her knees.

Beside her, Gu Zhiwei, the Holy Son of the Celestial Sword Sect, the beacon of righteousness, and the current bane of her existence, looked like a mud golem that had been put through a tumble dryer.

"Brother Lin!" Gu Zhiwei beamed, wiping a smudge of dirt from his forehead, which only succeeded in smearing it further across his nose. "That was enlightening! I feel a profound connection to the earth! My Sun Root is vibrating with gratitude!"

"That’s probably just the residual spice from the peppers," Ji’an said dryly, checking her spatial bag to ensure the precious Thunder-Root Ginger hadn’t been crushed by the Protagonist’s enthusiasm. "Go wash up, Brother Gu. If the Elders see you looking like a swamp monster, they’ll probably execute me for defiling the Sect’s mascot."

"Mascot?" Gu Zhiwei tilted his head, looking like a confused puppy. "Is that a high rank?"

"The highest," Ji’an lied. "Now, shoo. Go back to your sparkling palace."

She turned to leave, mentally calculating the quickest route back to the kitchen to avoid any more plot encounters.

She had her herbs and accidentally "bonded" with the Protagonist as well. The mission was a success.

Whoosh!

A sharp, high-pitched whistle cut through the air.

It wasn’t a bird. It was the sound of air being displaced by a very fast, very expensive flying sword.

Ji’an froze. Her ’Main Character Radar’ started screaming.

’Oh, come on. Can’t these protagonists give me a break?’

A figure descended from the sky like an avenging angel, if angels wore pristine white robes and had a permanent scowl etched onto their handsome faces.

He landed on a rock ten paces away, the impact sending a shockwave of Qi that blew the leaves off the nearby bushes.

Lu Jianheng. The Sword Sect Young Lord, whom she had flour-bombed and physically pinned to the ground a few days ago.

He stood tall, his hand resting on the hilt of his sword, his eyes blazing with a mixture of righteous fury and... something else.

Something complicated and panicked that looked suspiciously like embarrassment.

Lu Jianheng scanned the scene.

He saw the overturned earth. He saw the exploded pepper patch.

And then, his eyes landed on Gu Zhiwei.

The pure boy who was usually pristine, glowing, and untouchable was covered in mud.

His robes were stained green. His hair was a mess. He was panting slightly from the exertion of digging.

Then Lu Jianheng looked at Lin Ji’an, the "thief." The boy who had humiliated him.

Lu Jianheng’s brain, fueled by too many cultivation dramas and his own repressed obsession with Ji’an, immediately connected the dots in the worst way possible.

"You..." Lu Jianheng pointed a trembling finger at Ji’an. "You animal!"

Ji’an blinked. "Excuse me?"

"What have you done to him?!" Lu Jianheng roared, his voice cracking. "Look at Junior Brother Gu! He is filthy! He is disheveled! You... you dragged him into the bushes to do... unspeakable things!"

Ji’an’s jaw dropped. "Unspeakable things? We were gardening!"

"Gardening?!" Lu Jianheng scoffed, his face turning a brilliant shade of crimson. "Do you take me for a fool? Gardening involves tools! Discipline! Not... rolling around in the mud like wild beasts!"

He remembered the feeling of Ji’an sitting on top of him during their last encounter. The warmth and weight of her body.