Raising the Villain in Wrong Way

The ambient temperature in the courtyard, which he had fought so hard to regulate, violently plummeted by ten degrees.

’Is he delayed?’ the dark, paranoid voice in his mind whispered, a serpent uncoiling in his chest. ’Did Elder Qin intercept him? Did that dog guy intercept him? Is someone else eating my pork belly?’

Unable to bear the agonizing silence a second longer, Wangchen stood up.

He didn’t walk; he blurred into a streak of white light, utilizing a high-level movement technique to bypass the winding mountain paths, heading straight for the Drunken Peak to claim what was his.

But when the Ice Demon finally breached the overgrown, chaotic wards of the Drunken Sovereign’s mountain and kicked open the doors to the kitchen... he found it empty.

The hearth was cold.

The prep tables were spotless.

The only thing left behind was a hastily scribbled note pinned to the wooden cutting board with a throwing knife.

"Little Puddle: Master kidnapped me. Something about an auction and not being a wastrel. Please feed the wild chickens out back. Will bring you back a souvenir. Don’t freeze anyone. — Ji’an."

Wangchen stared at the note. He stared at the empty kitchen.

Slowly, deliberately, the Ice Demon reached up and touched his own chest.

The fire of his obsession had not been cooled by water. It had been doused in highly flammable, incredibly volatile jet fuel.

The entire kitchen instantly, violently flash-froze.

.

.

.

"Master, I left a batch of spirit-dough proofing! It’s going to over-ferment and taste like sour socks!"

Lin Ji’an was currently clinging for dear life to the neck of a massive, heavily enchanted wine gourd that was rocketing through the sky at Mach 2.

The wind was whipping her dark hair into a frantic frenzy, and the sheer altitude was making her stomach perform acrobatic routines that had absolutely nothing to do with her culinary skills.

Standing effortlessly on the back of the flying gourd, holding a secondary, smaller gourd to his lips, was Jiu Zui.

The Drunken Sovereign was completely unfazed by the hurricane-force winds or the fact that his new, prized apprentice looked like a terrified cat strapped to a rocket.

"The dough can wait, kid!" Jiu Zui roared over the rushing wind, his amethyst eyes sparkling with chaotic, entirely sober enthusiasm. "I am turning over a new leaf! I am fulfilling my marital duties! How can the sole apprentice of the Drunken Peak walk around looking like a pauper? A spatula?! It’s embarrassing! I’m taking you to Cloud-Burst City to buy you an armory!"

"I like my spatula!" Ji’an shrieked, squeezing her eyes shut as the gourd banked sharply to avoid a flock of migrating spirit-cranes. "It has perfectly distributed weight! And it doesn’t attract lightning!"

"Nonsense! We’re getting you defensive rings, spatial amulets, and a proper spiritual cleaver forged from the bones of a dragon!" Jiu Zui cheered, taking a massive swig of wine. "And maybe a new apron. Yours smells like garlic and violence!"

Ji’an groaned, resting her forehead against the cold, lacquered surface of the gourd.

She had tried to resist. She really had. She had barricaded the kitchen doors.

But attempting to stop a Second Generation Sovereign who had suddenly discovered a hyper-fixation on "good parenting" was like trying to stop a tidal wave with a slotted spoon.

"Fine!" Ji’an yelled back, resigning herself to her fate. "But if we’re going shopping, I get to pick the itinerary! No boring sword pavilions! I want to see the real stuff! I want to see the weird, the cursed, and the highly illegal!"

Jiu Zui laughed, a booming sound that echoed across the clouds. "That’s my girl! Spoken like a true delinquent! We’ll hit the Grand Heavenly Auction first to drain the sect’s expense account, and then we’ll dive into the gutter!"

An hour later, the flying gourd began its descent.

Ji’an peeked over the edge, and her breath caught in her throat.

Cloud-Burst City was a marvel of Xianxia architecture and unrestrained, terrifying capitalism.

It wasn’t just a city; it was a sprawling, multi-tiered metropolis built directly into the sides of a massive, spiraling canyon. Floating pagodas tethered by chains of glowing spirit-iron hung in the sky above.

The streets were rivers of light, packed with cultivators from a hundred different sects, wealthy mortal merchants, and beasts of burden that ranged from massive armored rhinos to elegant, multi-tailed foxes pulling gilded carriages.

The air was thick with the scent of roasted street food, burning incense, and the sharp, metallic tang of condensed spiritual energy.

"Alright, kid, stick close," Jiu Zui ordered as they touched down in a secluded alleyway, shrinking the massive flying gourd and clipping it to his belt. "This city is the financial heart of the Northern Territories. Everyone here is either trying to scam you, rob you, or sell you an expired pill disguised as an immortality elixir."

"Sounds like my old neighborhood," Ji’an muttered, adjusting her white robes. She had tied her gray apron around her waist, refusing to part with the pockets.

They stepped out into the bustling main thoroughfare. Ji’an’s chef’s brain instantly went into overdrive.

She wasn’t looking at the weapon stalls or the pill vendors; she was staring at the food carts.

"Master, look! Skewered Shadow-Octopus tentacles! And they’re using a high-heat spiritual charcoal to sear the suction cups!" Ji’an pointed excitedly. "Oh my god, is that a vendor selling deep-fried Spirit-Cicadas?! The protein content in those must be astronomical!"

Jiu Zui grabbed her by the scruff of her collar before she could sprint toward a man selling questionable meat on a stick.

"Focus, glutton," Jiu Zui chided, dragging her down the street. "We aren’t here for street food. We are here to hemorrhage the Sect Leader’s private treasury and scam out his slush funds!"

"Wait, the Sect Leader’s treasury?" Ji’an blinked, struggling against his grip. "Did he authorize this?"

Jiu Zui stopped, pulling a heavy, intricately carved jade medallion from his robes. It pulsed with a brilliant, authoritative gold light.