These Dangerous Girls Placed Me Into Jeopardy

I was woken up in the morning by the vibration of my phone.

What the...? I don’t remember setting an alarm...

Groggily, I opened my eyes. Serena An was already gone—I had no idea when she left. I reached for my phone on the desk and glanced at it. Turns out I had gotten a text.

Probably just the monthly phone bill or something. My contact list only has my parents, my sisters, my homeroom teacher Ms. Jane, and the fast-food place. No way anyone else would text me.

I was just going to ignore it and go back to sleep, but then I noticed the sender wasn’t the usual 10086 number—it was some unfamiliar number.

Why didn’t my spam filter block it...? I muttered, tapping the message open with my face still buried in the pillow.

2017-03-25 07:22

[Good morning, Cheng-kun! Another crisp and refreshing morning~ Got a morning wood, perhaps? Just because it’s the weekend doesn’t mean you can be lazy~ Hehehehe~]

“...Hehehehe my ass!!”

I swear I could hear her laughter through the screen.

That tone, that style of greeting—only she would text like this.

How the hell did she even get my number?

Wait, don’t tell me... it was probably that all-knowing head maid again. Tch. I want a perfect maid like that too...

Thanks to the sudden message, my brain kicked back into gear. The sleepiness faded, and I scratched my head in frustration and got out of bed.

There’s no breakfast on weekends in our house. If you’re hungry in the morning, you can only nibble on snacks like mung bean cakes. I never minded—it’s not like I’m against making breakfast even on weekends—but Mom insisted that since she already bothers me enough on weekdays, I should at least rest on weekends. So weekend breakfasts were canceled.

After washing up, I didn’t bother going downstairs. I headed straight back to my room. Figured I’d finish that novel I didn’t get around to reading.

But just as I returned with that plan in mind, my phone buzzed again.

2017-03-25 07:36

[You should be awake by now, right, Cheng-kun? Hurry up and get dressed~ Be sure to dress nicely, okay~]

She timed that perfectly. Did she calculate exactly how long it would take me to wash up?

And what’s this about dressing nicely?

I hesitated, then decided to reply.

Sent: [What I wear has nothing to do with you, right...?]

The moment my message was marked “Delivered,” my phone buzzed again—an instant reply.

[Of course it does! Because today is our special first date, duh~]

Huh?

W-What?

A date?

I don’t remember agreeing to any date!

Sent: [Date? What date? I don’t remember agreeing to that.]

Buzz.

[Aww, my dear, you’re so forgetful~ Don’t you remember? We agreed to go see the baby together today!]

“...Huh?”

My brow furrowed deeply. I re-read that message four or five times. My gaze fixated on the word “baby” until it practically lost all meaning. That’s when I finally grasped what she was implying.

If I replied with something like [What baby?], I’d be playing into her game. But I can’t go along with her either—that’d be falling into her trap. 𝐟𝗿𝐞𝚎𝚠𝐞𝚋𝕟𝐨𝚟𝐞𝕝.𝕔𝕠𝚖

So the correct move is to feign ignorance. Send something ambiguous.

2017-03-25 07:39

Sent: [Ah, right—I remember now. We're going to volunteer at the orphanage, right?]

I mean, “see the baby” could mean see a baby (4th tone) or watch kids (1st tone). Ambiguity is my ally here.

[Oh, come on~ Don’t play dumb~ I’m obviously talking about your daughter!]

Tch. She went straight for the fastball. She even decided the gender already. Damn it, Lillian Ji—you’re not even trying to be subtle.

I rolled my eyes and replied:

Sent: [I don’t have a daughter, thanks.]

Buzz.

[She’s in my belly! Did you already forget what happened last night? You’re such a jerk! QQQ... (ノへ￣、)]

Nothing happened last night!!

No, if anything, you nearly sent me to the afterlife!

Just remembering last night gave me stomach cramps. I was running around the empty school building, playing hide and seek with death—and ended up getting tackled like prey. I literally had a brush with death.

Burning with indignation, I wanted to fire back a raging message:

[The only thing that happened last night was you nearly ending a life—not creating one! -1 and +1 are NOT the same concept!!]

Just as I was about to hit send, I paused.

If I lost my temper now, I’d just be dancing to her tune again.

Hmph... guess I’ll just keep {N•o•v•e•l•i•g•h•t} playing dumb.

2017-03-25 07:42

Sent: [Hahaha, what are you talking about? Nothing happened last night.]

Buzz.

[We held hands, remember? You responded to my every desire with all your strength... our hands were soaked with fluids...]

That was me trying to shake you off!!

And the liquid? That was sweat, damn it! Don’t make it sound so lewd!

Holding hands doesn’t make a baby! Even if something had happened, there’s no way you’d know this fast!

I was about to unleash another string of retorts, but before I could even finish typing, more messages came flooding in.

[It wasn’t just holding hands, was it? You also did that thing where you—]

[Your burning hand reached into my depths and squeezed me like—]

[Your scorching breath made me melt. I just want you to hold me again...]

“What the hell...”

What smut novel did she copy these lines from!?

[Are you thinking dirty thoughts right now? Pervert~ Cheng-kun, you’re such an H~]

“...”

Sorry, but I’m feeling absolutely nothing.

[Oh, by the way, those messages were all ghostwritten by Maid Lin Bai.]

Ugh, her again!?

Wasn’t she the same maid who photoshopped that picture too? So the maids in Lillian’s house really do have ones that stir up trouble on purpose, huh...

[Anyway, enough chit-chat. Time for the real topic. Don’t you think it’s time we talked about our situation face to face?]

Suddenly, the tone shifted to serious.

Wait a sec—I haven’t responded to any of these messages, yet she’s still driving the entire conversation...

...Is she monitoring me somehow?

How can she know exactly what I’m thinking?

No—no one can know my thoughts even if they’re watching me, right?

Ugh, forget it... Let’s deal with this first. A face-to-face talk, huh... I thought for a bit and replied.

2017-03-25 07:47

Sent: [We could just talk over text, though.]

But Lillian ignored that completely and sent this absurd non sequitur:

[Oh my, the café on Peace Road turns out to be a maid café!]

...All right.

Fine!

Let’s go!

I tossed aside all the excuses I had prepared. Under the overwhelming temptation (of maids), I made the firm decision to gamble my life on seeing my incredibly dangerous girlfriend.

Originally, I was going to throw on any old clothes. But then I remembered her request, so I put on a hoodie and gray slacks, topped with a dark green coat.

It was one Cora had helped me pick out last time we went shopping. Honestly, I didn’t really care what I wore—I think most guys are like that.

But girls seem to be very particular about that sort of thing. Especially Cora—she’s always paying attention to my outfits. Most of my clothes were chosen by her.

After getting dressed, I went downstairs. Cora was sitting on the sofa eating ice cream and looked at me curiously.

“Big Brother, are you going out?”

“Yeah, I’ve got something to do. Might not be back for lunch. If I’m not, you and Serena can make curry or something.”

“Can I come with you? I wanted to buy something anyway.”

“Uh...”

Normally, I’d be happy to take her, but today I’m meeting that girl...

“Sorry, Cora. I’m going to see a friend. It’s not a good time.”

I gave her an apologetic look and quickly put on my shoes and headed out.

Thirty minutes later, I arrived at the legendary maid café on Peace Road!

I can’t believe there was a holy land like this in this city—and I never knew!

But when I walked in, I found a totally ordinary café... Lillian Ji was sitting happily by the window, waving at me.

Where are the maids!? Where!? Why are the waitstaff wearing regular uniforms!?

Fuming, I stomped over to her and shouted:

“Hey! Where are the maids!? You said this was a maid café!”

“Hehehehe~ Technically, this café belongs to Sherry. Sherry is my maid, so this is a maid café, right~?”

“What kind of twisted logic is that!?!”

I was tricked!

So when she said “maid café,” she meant a café owned by a maid!?

Goddammit!!