My Family's Secret Website

When I woke up, I found out that I was in the hospital.

My mother, two older sisters, and a nurse were with me.

Later, a doctor came and said that I had suffered a nervous breakdown due to accumulated stress, which caused my brain to shut down and me to lose consciousness.

When I began to come to my senses, I remembered why I had felt ill.

My friend... my best friend and only friend... my soul mate and my first love...

(Saho, my dear friend... left me forever.)

I couldn’t bear this pain, unknown to me until today, and cried uncontrollably.

Neither my mother’s and sisters’ words, nor the help of the doctor and nurse, nor the medicine they tried to calm me down with... could stop my pain.

I was in so much pain that I wanted to die.

...

A few days passed and I felt better, but I already understood that life would never be the same as it had been recently, and something like depression engulfed the little girl with its cold hand.

Saho and I were friends, but I knew almost nothing serious about him: not his last name, not where he lived, not his parents...

All the time, we talked about me and my life, and his seemed to be neglected.

I wanted to see him at least once more, but... it was too late.

As it turned out, I wasn’t a good friend and didn’t even ask about his condition, life, or personal preferences.

Runo considered her life terrible and disregarded the problems of others, believing that only she was suffering.

She had no idea that the lively and active Saho was on the verge of life and death, and that his constant appearances were a sign of loyalty and true friendship, which he shared only with one defiant little girl who realized this too late.

- (Me). "Saho... (~sound of crying) I’m sorry... (~sound of crying)."

Realizing her mistakes only made her feel worse, and after that day, she closed her heart to everyone else, but that children’s book from her first friend will always remain with her as a memory and a tangible reminder of their eternal friendship.

I’m so sorry, Saho, and... thank you for everything...

...

Ten years have passed since then.

I grew up and became a really beautiful girl.

A few months ago, I graduated from church school and was preparing for the difficult days that were about to come.

My father found a man for me with whom I was to spend the rest of my life.

He was a young eighteen-year-old man whose father was well known among religious people and was several ranks higher than mine.

My relationship with my father was already as negative as it could be.

During all this time, my mentality had changed under the influence of Saho, and I began to look at some things differently. My arguments with my father only got worse, but in the end, I had to give that guy a chance.

He was somewhat similar to me and was a rebel, but his father’s words forced him to marry me.

We really did get married, and on our wedding night, he took my virginity... it was absolutely horrible.

Maybe it was nerves or something else, but when he entered me and started tearing my hymen, he got embarrassed and immediately came inside me, without even finishing the first stage.

It was my first and last sexual experience in my entire life.

He apologized to me and finished what he had started, then just left and drank alcohol until morning.

What made it even more terrible was that it was enough for me to get pregnant and become a mother for the first time at a relatively young age.

My now husband was not happy about this, but he promised to help and be a good father.

As a result... he almost never showed up at the house his father had given him for the wedding, and it was unclear where he spent his time.

His parents said he was busy studying, but they didn’t say where, and it all seemed strange to me until I found out the truth.

My husband was too spoiled by his parents and often got into difficult situations.

From a young age, he was an experienced drug addict with questionable friends who were ruining his life.

Surprisingly, with such a lifestyle, I was his first woman, but even when he found out that he was about to become a father, he did not stop using drugs and continued to live the typical life of an addict with problems.

In the sixth month of my pregnancy, my husband, under the influence of alcohol and drugs, along with three of his friends, got into a car accident and, sadly, no one survived.

That’s all I can say about my husband!

I regret giving him a chance and I hate my father for forcing me to marry him.

At eighteen, Runo became a widow who was soon to become a mother.

She expected at least some sympathy, but received only criticism and hatred.

My ex-husband’s friends, his parents’ friends, and even some people from my circle blamed me for what had happened.

The logic was that it was only after I became pregnant that my ex started using drugs so heavily and couldn’t handle the pressure that suddenly fell on him.

To them, I was a bad wife who didn’t help him during such a difficult period in his life and was to blame for all the sins he committed in such a short period of time.

To say that I was shocked would be an understatement.

My ex’s father had a big argument with my father, and they stopped being friends.

My father blamed me for becoming a widow, and their long-standing friendship ended just like that.

I had no words or logic to understand the absurdity of the situation I found myself in.

Runo, who was truly the victim, became the aggressor in their eyes, guilty of all the sins of ex.

It was ridiculous and made no sense whatsoever.

In the end, I returned to my parents’ home, and three months later my beloved daughter Karin was born.

Runo was happy, but I felt a certain psychological discomfort from the past events.

When I returned home with my daughter, I was met with a cold atmosphere from my father and some other family members who were there at the time.

My father began to insult me and say that I was now "used" material that would remain alone forever.

Many more horrible words were said, and everyone else, including my mother, just looked neutral and remained silent.

Then my father started saying nasty things about Karin, and I couldn’t take it anymore, so I expressed all the feelings I had been hiding for many years.

(No one has the right to say anything about my sweet daughter!)

Everyone was shocked by my words, and my father only became more embittered, and we got into a very serious argument.

My father tried to hit me several times, but my brothers and sisters were able to stop him.

Although my family restrained my father, everyone was on his side and blamed me for starting the conflict.

Only my mother remained neutral, but she couldn’t say anything and obeyed her husband’s words.

I no longer had the strength to endure this abuse, so Karin and I left.

My father shouted after us that he hated me and regretted that I had ever been born.

To him, I am useless and will always remain so in his eyes.

I promised him that he would never see me again, and that he would burn in hell for all his deeds.

Half an hour later, Karin and I returned home, and I began to think about what to do next.

I had a strange feeling that even my new home would soon cease to be a place where I could feel safe, and that’s exactly what happened.

My former ex’s father found a way to get his house back, and he succeeded, but by that time, I had managed to gather all my essential belongings, sell the ones I didn’t need, and buy a ticket to a city several thousand kilometers away from my own.

While certain legal issues regarding the appropriation of the house were being resolved, I was already on a plane with Karin, leaving my native land behind forever.

- (Me). "Goodbye, Saho... I will remember you..."