Immortal Paladin

297 Fastest Granny Alive

The deck of the vessel creaked beneath my boots as I leaned against the railing, gazing at the endless stretch of night sky. The stars above seemed to shimmer faintly, but I couldn’t afford to indulge in their beauty. The Shadow Clan cultivators bustled all around, their faces dimly lit by lantern light and glowing runes as they adjusted arrays, reinforced seals, and made sure our course didn’t drift.

Footsteps approached. Zhu Shin emerged from the cabin. His body had fully recovered, restored by my arts. He wore fresh robes woven from quintessence, fitting his tall frame like steel molded to form. In his hand was a great spear, also formed from quintessence, its surface faintly shimmering with the power of creation. It looked every bit like a proper weapon, but we both knew it lacked the heritage of a true treasure. Creation was powerful, but not without limits. I could make the mundane and shape what already existed in the world, but I could not grant it intrinsic laws, blessings, or divine traits without pouring an unthinkable amount of energy into the attempt.

Zhu Shin stopped a few steps away and bowed, fist to palm. “I thank you, Lord Wei. I owe you my life… but my loyalty is to the Emperor.”

I straightened, neither surprised nor offended. “I understand.”

This was the second time someone had refused my offer of Paladinhood. It wasn’t resentment I felt. Instead, it was relief. The weight of Paladinhood was not something to thrust upon anyone lightly, especially with the worship, the vows, and the tethering of souls that came with it. To reject me was an honest answer, and honesty was worth more than half-hearted devotion.

Besides, faith lost its strength the farther we drifted from New Willow. Even if I transformed all of these Shadow Clan cultivators into Paladins, the flow of faith would be weak, and they would become liabilities more than assets. Better to let them remain as they were, loyal to their clan, their patriarch, or the Empire, but not bound to me.

Hei Ximei bowed deeply as she informed me of her correspondence with Hei Yuan from the communication array. “Lord Wei... The Shadow Patriarch has made his decision. At the insistence of young master Ren Xun, they will remain in Riverfall and make a stand.”

I frowned slightly but held my tongue. That boy… Ren Xun had wit that occasionally startled me. I recalled the times we played chess, when his eyes gleamed with quiet calculation. He had beaten me more than once, even though my superior awareness should have guaranteed victory. Of course, when I focused my full raw stats, the game tilted heavily in my favor, but those occasional losses were a reminder that the boy could grow into something… more.

Honestly, I was looking forward to his growth.

“If he insists,” I finally muttered, “then he must have a plan. Knowing him, I should probably worry more about us.”

For a moment, my thoughts wandered…

What would have happened if Ren Xun had joined me in the False Earth? Perhaps fewer losses and fewer mistakes would have occurred. His mind could have closed the gaps I’d left open. But the False Earth devoured clever men just as surely as foolish ones. He’d likely have ended up dead, no matter how sharp his wit. That was the nature of that cursed place. After all, Ren Xun was just so squishy...

My musing was cut short when the air above trembled. Flashes of blue light pierced the darkness, followed by a series of sharp cracks. Several smaller vessels burst into the night sky, their hulls gleaming with imperial insignia. They had emerged straight from warp, space itself folding and peeling away to disgorge them. They were sleek, swift, and bristling with weapons. Their presence was enough to make the Shadow Clan cultivators on deck stiffen with alarm.

Alice appeared beside me, her crimson eyes narrowing as she followed my gaze. “How do you want to handle this?” she asked calmly, though I could see murder in her eyes. "This is perfect timing... I am feeling bored, lately."

I turned to Hei Ximei. “Does this vessel have warp capability?”

Her expression tightened as she shook her head. “No, my lord. This is a merchant vessel. Its speed in open air is respectable, but… warp? Impossible. We are exposed.”

I squinted into the starry expanse above, my fingers twitching as I made a rough count. Thirty-six vessels in total, half small and the rest were medium-sized. Their hulls gleamed faintly against the night, like wolves circling prey in silence before the kill.

Da Ji tugged at my sleeve, her eyes glowing with excitement. “Brother, do you want me to deal with them?”

I shook my head. “No need. I will handle it.”

A ripple of qi tore through the air. From the largest vessel descended a figure standing upon a cloud, his presence broadcast for all to see. Tian Luo’s voice thundered across the sky through Qi Speech, sharp enough to echo against the mountains. “You traitor! Zhu Shin, if you think you can escape from me, then you are wrong! Where’s my healer!? Give her back to me at once!”

In response, the heavens bloomed with light. An array manifested, seven colossal boxes rising into position, and lines of qi connecting them into a constellation that pulsed with power. Their oppressive weight pressed against the chest like a boulder.

For me, they felt more like a tickle…

Hei Ximei gasped, her voice trembling in reverence. “It’s a wondrous artifact! The Heavenly Suppressing Blocks! They can weaken entire realms of enemy cultivators!”

I reached into my Item Box and retrieved an LLO gold coin, cool and heavy between my fingers. With a flick of my thumb against my index finger, I infused it with War Smite and let it fly. The coin whistled through the air like a comet and shattered one of the blocks into pieces.

I cupped my hands and shouted toward the heavens, “Go home, you weird dude!”

Another coin, another flick. Another block shattered before the array could stabilize. I continued the rhythm, gold flashing in the night until each Heavenly Suppressing Block broke apart in sparks of dying qi.

Alice stepped closer, her crimson eyes narrowing. “With you throwing those gold coins, they’ll find out you’ve returned, David… And while they already knew that with you saving Tao Long, they had no idea you had arrived in the Empire. Of course, I don’t think they will make the connection so quickly, but don't tell me I didn't warn you.”

“It’s fine,” I answered with a grin. “Let them keep guessing. In fact, a brilliant plan just crossed my mind. I think you’re going to like it.”

Her lips thinned. “If it puts you in danger, then no.”

I feigned offense, pressing a hand to my chest. “Oh, come on. You really don’t trust me?”

Alice and Da Ji traded a look. It was an unspoken alliance formed between them in that glance. Together, they turned back to me, voices overlapping in flat unity. “No, we don’t.”

Ouch. My heart stung more than any blade. They should have had a little more confidence.

I didn’t let the wound to my pride linger. More golden coins appeared between my fingers, each one flicked with War Smite. Vessels exploded in bursts of fire and collapsing qi, their formations shattering under my casual shots.

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In retaliation, the remaining ships unleashed their fury. Cannons flared, qi blasts arcing across the night sky like divine wrath. Yet all they met was my Shield of Faith. A silver barrier shimmered around us, each blast absorbed and dispersed in harmless ripples. Their bombardment was meaningless.

I flicked again. One vessel fell in flames, then another, until the night burned with falling wreckage. My barrage was relentless, gold coins carrying divine judgment.

Above, Tian Luo’s voice cracked, desperation seeping into his tone. “Retreat!”

But his command came too late. Every vessel had already been reduced to falling debris, swallowed by fire and smoke. Only one remained intact. It was the medium-sized vessel that Tian Luo was using.

I drew a breath and plucked a slate of essence from the dim stores of my being, shaping it into something I’d been experimenting with for months: a dummy soul. I’d managed to spin six genuine souls once, bleeding through a dozen lifetimes of memory and pain, but crafting artificials was cheaper and far more versatile. They were brittle, devoid of destiny and voice, useful only as fuel for spells that ate the world. I called them Manasouls, because they were born from quintessence and processed through the Mana Road. They were imperfect children of creation, but they served my purpose.

Alice watched me with one eyebrow raised. “What is this?” she asked. "This is brimming with power..."

“A Manasoul,” I said, pinching the condensed orb between my fingers and feeling the faint pulse of raw actualized mana. “At least that’s what I’ll call it. Do I have your consent to stuff my filling in you? It won’t hurt, I promise.”

The deck went still for half a heartbeat. Da Ji covered her mouth with a hand and pretended to cough. Zhu Shin stared at his spear as if it would answer. Zhu Lian’s face flushed in scandal. Hei Ximei nearly choked on her own saliva. And the Shadow Clan cultivators around us wore identical expressions of outrage and fascination, which was almost charming.

Alice’s lips twitched. “You sure like to test my patience,” she said. "If you have your manhood right now, I would have crushed them under my heel. Do you hear me?"

I hid a smirk and faked a cough of my own. “Hey, we need a bit of levity, sometimes, you know.”

“You have my consent.”

Calling on the same art I’d used to lend souls to other vessels, I cast Divine Possession, threading the Manasoul into Alice. The little orb slid like cold silk into her mind and settled. For a moment, she blinked as if waking from a nap, then nodded. I could feel the borrowed motes bloom inside her, an extra battery to power the things I could not sustain alone.

The last intact ship was already limping away, warp still recharging from Tian Luo’s arrival.

“I’m going to nab that ship,” I said plainly. “You lot will take it into the Empire, scout, gather intel, and prepare the rescue. When the time comes, we’ll need a clean entry point and an exit with as few eyes on us as possible. Meanwhile, I’ll fly to several places… make noise, sow chaos, force them to reveal their hand and thin their lines. When you’re ready, I’ll rejoin you.”

Alice’s eyes narrowed in the way she did when she was thinking three steps ahead. “You’re going to use your Castling skill with the Manasoul to reconnect to us during the rescue, aren’t you?”

“Bingo.”

Yep, that was the plan I had in mind.

Da Ji tilted her head and asked with genuine confusion, “What even is a bingo?”

Alice didn’t miss a beat. “Don’t bother asking, David is just autistic.”

I nearly tripped over my own words. “Hey, that’s too much. I am not autistic! Anyway…” I waved a hand dramatically. “See you on D-Day!”

Da Ji blinked again, deadpan. “What even is D-Day?”

Before anyone else could follow that line of questioning, I launched myself into the sky with Zealot’s Stride, the surge of holy force propelling me like a bolt of judgment. In an instant, my hand closed around Tian Luo’s throat, and I yanked him down like he was nothing more than a scrawny chicken. His cultivation surged to Eighth Realm, his aura flaring with desperate resistance, but I invoked Divine Flesh and clenched harder with Monkey Grip. His thrashing did nothing against the weight of my hands.

The cloud he had been standing on suddenly came alive, racing forward to intercept me, wrapping around my head as if desperate to pry its master free. Wisps shoved at my nose, mouth, ears, and eyes in a desperate bid to smother me. Instead, I inhaled deeply. The mist sank into my lungs and vanished with a single pull.

Tian Luo shrieked, his voice cracking. “No! You monster! What did you do with my little Cloudy!?”

I paused. Wait, what?

Tian Luo’s eyes welled up with tears as his words tumbled out in broken sobs. “That was a rare spiritual beast… I’ve cared for it since childhood! Its cultivation was slow, but I refined my little Cloudy all the way to the Second Realm!” His voice cracked into a wail. The man was actually crying.

For a brief moment, guilt pricked at me. Had I just inhaled his childhood pet?

The soldiers aboard the vessel below raised their spears, their voices unified in grief and rage. “Avenge Little Cloudy!”

Qi flared at their spear tips, shooting projectiles that exploded against me like firecrackers against iron. The ticklish sting made me sneeze, and with that sneeze came an accidental puff that reconstituted part of Cloudy, dropping the poor thing onto the deck with a thud.

I strode forward, barely bothering to glance at the Third Realm soldiers. They were gnats in the wind. I brushed them aside with casual sweeps of my hands, sending them tumbling out of the vessel, screaming as they plummeted. Cloudy attempted one last brave charge, only to bounce harmlessly off my leg like a wet sponge.

Tian Luo, his skin suddenly slick with some vile qi, slipped through my fingers. His throat wriggled free of my grip, slimy as an eel, and he darted forward. “Cloudy!” he cried, scrambling onto the battered beast before taking off into the distance.

I exhaled and walked to the wheel of the vessel, taking command of it with ease. Guiding the ship downward, I steered it beside my party’s vessel and secured it against their hull.

“Get on,” I called, motioning at the prize. “Use this ship to reach the Empire, scout it, and plan the rescue. I’ll raise hell on the outside and keep their eyes off you.”

Before they could argue, I leapt from the vessel. Holy Sword blazed to life as I transformed my Asura Soul into a radiant blade, its length humming with destructive power. I stood on it, riding it through the air. With a final blessing, I layered Zealot’s Stride atop myself and wove it together with Divine Speed, turning my body into a streak of silver light cutting across the horizon.

“Ah, ah!” cried Tian Luo, fleeing on his cloud. “What are you doing!?”

I grabbed him by his throat as I zoomed faster in the sky.

“Oh, you are coming with me!”

Weeks blurred into a string of reckless mornings and colder nights, the kind of time that eats at a man until plans stop feeling like plans and become habit. I had Tian Luo roped under my arm as literally as one could carry a man. The blood in his face was a slow, shameful tide.

“You knave,” cried Tian Luo. “Do you not know who I am? I am of Tian blood, I will not be mocked!”

“Do you know who I am?” I asked once, and then added. “Your daddy for the next few weeks.”

That shut him up.

“The provincial capital is that way, right?” I asked.

Tian Luo’s face twisted as he provided condescendingly. “You are deluding yourself if you think you can ransom me!” I shrugged, because I wasn’t interested in ransom.

The city came into view. Onesky floated on a single vast cloud, its spires hooked with bridges and little satellite platforms, a patchwork of terraces and wind-wreathed banners that declared comfort and wealth.

I remarked to him. “Buddy, this is what I am going to do… I am going to let you go.

“Really?”

I added. “Yup, tell them how I, Da Wei, have come to collect!”

Horror graced his face.

I let go of Tian Luo, the man summoning his pet Cloudy as he fled to the city with haste. As he vanished among the towers, I raised my voice to the whole of Onesky City via Qi Speech, letting my words roll with deliberate clarity so anyone who doubted could hear the truth in its simplicity.

“Hear me, Onesky. The Seven Imperial Houses have bitten the hand that fed them, betrayed the Heavenly Mandate, and drowned the capital in blood. Martial law shackles the people while the greedy line their pockets; this is not governance! It is rot! For this affront, for feeding on the empire’s marrow, they will be judged.”

My voice spread like a blade through the courtyards below; guards looked up, faces slackening into alarm, and I watched a ripple of panic pulse behind gilded windows. I didn’t only accuse; I named the crime and the consequence, and then I acted on it.

“Final Adjudication!”

The sky tore open like a wound, and a colossal scale descended, metal and golden light braided into chains that lashed down toward the city as if the heavens themselves had unsheathed judgment. The chains struck roofs and avenues, anchoring the scale above Onesky’s heart, and everywhere they struck, the air went thin, and faithful men felt their sins weigh heavier.

“If any of you possess the courage of your titles, send forward your matriarch. Let her stand in the balance and answer for her house. I intend to visit each of the Seven Imperial Houses in turn; their heirs and their champions will learn to fear the name they spat at.”

From the blazing sky above Onesky City, my words thundered like judgment, yet the world wasn’t finished surprising me. A small vessel cut across the horizon, sleek and sharp against the daylight. I narrowed my eyes and instantly recognized the Tenth Realm cultivator standing at its bow… It was the Sky Matriarch, an old woman I glimpsed from Nongmin’s memories.

A chain from the giant scale whipped downward, divine authority bound in iron, but she met it with a single stroke of her sword, sparks scattering like sunlit rain. The clash rang across the city, and before I could so much as raise a hand, the vessel burst forward, warp speed tearing it from my sight in the blink of an eye.

I stood there, blinking at the empty sky.

“Well, isn’t that just great? I finally get a big audience, and the star performer bolts before I can even sell the tickets.”