Immortal Paladin

030 Chibi Perfume

“I’m glad. I promise it’ll be worth your time. I’ll do my best to impress and make it an enjoyable evening.”

The words had barely left my mouth before I realized how they sounded.

"The night is still young."

Okay. That was worse.

Jia Yun flinched—just slightly, but I caught it. A tiny hesitation, a flicker of unease in her eyes.

Crap.

I still hadn’t fully adjusted to this world. How the hell did people invite someone to hang out in xianxia without making it sound… suggestive? There had to be a way, right? Cultivators weren’t loners all the time—surely they had casual outings that didn’t involve duels or sect politics?

Jia Yun composed herself quickly, but there was a stiffness to her posture now, like she had swallowed something bitter.

"If Senior Da wishes for this disciple's company tonight, then this disciple will comply."

I opened my mouth to correct her, but—

"However," she continued, her tone calm yet sharp as a blade, "I must make it clear—Jia Yun treasures her purity."

…

Purity?

Wait. Was this a religious thing? Did she have dietary restrictions? Maybe she was vegetarian? Some sects had weird rules about food… Was she forbidden from eating street snacks?

I could work with that.

"That's fine with me," I said, nodding like I completely understood. "If something displeases you, just say so."

At the back of my mind, I knew what she meant, but I refused to acknowledge it.

Jia Yun and I walked side by side through the dimly lit corridors of the Isolation Path Sect’s quarters. The air was thick with silence—the kind that lingered when two people weren’t sure whether they should be speaking.

The Isolation Path disciples’ quarters lay in the quieter reaches of the City Governor’s estate. Here, the air ran colder, shadows stretched longer, and the presence of its occupants felt more like an ominous whisper than something tangible. It wasn’t eerie, exactly, but there was an undeniable sense of something unseen lurking in the corners, watching.

Just as we arrived, a familiar figure stepped into our path.

Fan Shi.

Jia Yun and Fan Shi locked eyes, their gazes sharp and unreadable.

For a moment, I swore I saw sparks flicker between them. Not the good kind—the kind that set the battlefield ablaze.

I cleared my throat. “Ah, Fan Shi, I was looking for you.”

Fan Shi cupped her hands in greeting and gave a slight bow. “Many thanks for your guidance, Senior Da. How may I assist you?”

Guidance? Oh. She must have been referring to our brief exchange back in the arena when she fought Jia Yun. The use of Voice Chat to instructing her how to fight better… was as a matter of fact not realistic. It was only possible because of the sheer absurdity of my stats and Fan Shi’s innate cultivation in Mind Enlightenment and what I suspected to be her Mind’s Eye.

At the word guidance, Jia Yun flinched ever so slightly. Her lips pressed into a thin line.

Was she misunderstanding something?

I decided to push forward before she could start overthinking it. “Let’s go out.”

…

Fan Shi blinked. Jia Yun narrowed her eyes.

Okay. That sounded bad. Again.

I quickly corrected myself. “The two of you started off on the wrong foot. One of you nearly died, and the other was about to be absolutely and one-sidedly beaten to death.”

Fan Shi’s brows creased ever so slightly. Jia Yun tilted her head—like a particularly suspicious raccoon.

I continued, “This tournament exists to hone your skills and showcase your strength to the world. Whatever grudge you’ve built up over that fight, it’s not worth keeping. I want the two of you to make amends.”

Fan Shi looked at me as if I’d just spoken in an ancient, forgotten tongue.

Jia Yun folded her arms, her gaze unreadable.

Yeah. This was going to be an uphill battle.

Okay, maybe I had ulterior motives for inviting them out.

Gu Jie was busy cultivating with Lei Fen’s guidance, and I had grown used to enjoying the festival—wandering the stalls, sampling the food, and soaking in the atmosphere. I had invited Chang Fan to join me, but he claimed he had duties to attend to.

Disappointed, I had originally planned to go alone and take my time. My circle of friends was pitifully small, but then I remembered—friends could be made.

That’s when I thought of Jia Yun. She still owed me a conversation. More importantly, she owed me her life after I healed her. She wouldn’t refuse.

And then there was Fan Shi.

There were plenty of reasons I wanted to talk to her. How could she wield psychic magic? Why had she been so openly hostile when we first met? Was it a personal grudge, or was I just that unlucky?

It was simply a bonus that I had the perfect opportunity to mediate between the two.

If I succeeded, I’d gain goodwill with both of them—an easy icebreaker for the future. If I failed, well… at least I tried.

For all the tragedies in the world, I figured most stemmed from a lack of effort. Not that I had tangible proof. But I supposed, personal experience should suffice.

I clapped my hands together. “Follow me, kids.”

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Jia Yun and Fan Shi exchanged glances before silently following as I led them through the City Governor’s estate and toward the festival.

The guards at the gate looked confused as two beauties trailed behind me.

Couldn’t blame them.

This morning, these two had been at each other’s throats. Their fight had been the most brutal of the tournament so far.

Fan Shi had nearly been mauled by a she-fox a whole realm above her. Then Jia Yun had her soul forcibly wrenched out and been humiliated by a brute-force haymaker.

And now, here we were.

Nothing suspicious about that at all.

If I were to take sides, I would, of course, choose Fan Shi.

And yes, I was aware I was being biased.

Maybe it was because the Isolation Path Sect was looking after Gu Jie. Maybe that shouldn’t have been a factor. But it was.

Painful as it was to admit, the fault lay with us—the adults—back in the VIP box when we started betting things we shouldn’t have.

Sure, it was Long Xieren who first suggested it, framing it as a friendly wager, something casual and without real stakes. But I was the one who escalated it after seeing what Fan Shi could do.

Because of that, the Cloud Mist Sect had gone all in. They used their trump card—whatever that technique was.

In short, I was guilty.

Fan Shi’s voice cut through my thoughts.

“Senior Da, I believe I was owed a treasure after you won the bet… against the Elders and the City Governor.”

There was a barb in her tone. Not directed at me, but there nonetheless.

Jia Yun, for her part, remained outwardly indifferent. Her expression was perfectly neutral, but I caught the faintest tremor in her sleeve-hidden hand.

I sighed. “I gave it to Elder Lei Fen. He said it was too valuable for you and that he’d compensate you with something equivalent. If you’re not satisfied, I can speak with him.”

Fan Shi pressed her lips into a thin line before nodding. “It is fine, Senior. I accept this arrangement.”

We finally arrived at the footpath where the night market was coming to life. The scent of sizzling skewers, steamed buns, and fried dough filled the air, mingling with the laughter of festival-goers.

Maybe this would be fun after all.

We were drawing attention.

And yes, I was pretty sure it was because we were pretty—myself included.

My charisma stat probably let me look good even while touching grass or something.

But the real reason for all the staring wasn’t just my overwhelming charm. It was because Fan Shi and Jia Yun had fought earlier today in one of the most brutal matches of the tournament. And now, here they were, walking together with me.

It had to look bizarre.

“I didn’t foresee this,” I muttered. I liked to think I was the smart guy, but I guessed even geniuses slipped up. I still needed time to adapt, not to mention a lot to learn.

“At least they’re giving us a wide berth,” I added, watching as festival-goers hurriedly stepped aside. No one wanted to risk getting caught in the crossfire if these two suddenly resumed their battle.

Jia Yun and Fan Shi remained silent—not in a comfortable way, but in the ‘I don’t want to be here, but I have no choice’ kind of way.

If you didn’t want to come, just say no. Was that so hard?

Sadly, xianxia conventions demanded otherwise.

The fact that they weren’t even exchanging snide remarks made me more concerned.

I needed a way to make them settle their grievances—for real.

I recalled Fan Shi being beaten into a corner by a fox-shaped Jia Yun. Then Jia Yun, utterly humiliated when Fan Shi struck her with Soul Rend. I vaguely remembered the flavor text of Soul Rend describing it as a technique favored by soul-suckers and mind flayers—monsters notorious for their sadism.

I could only imagine how agonizing it must have been.

So yeah.

This grudge ran deep.

I walked.

They followed.

I turned into an alley.

They still followed.

What was up with these gals? Did they have no self-awareness? I had even prepared an excuse in case they questioned me.

I stopped and turned to them with a stern expression.

“I said I’d show you guys a good time, right?”

They nodded, still wary of each other.

I smiled and reached into my Item Box, pulling out a small vial labeled Chibi Perfume.

“Stay still,” I said as I sprayed them.

…That sounded wrong in so many ways.

I sprayed myself too for good measure.

Fan Shi took a sniff. “It smells nice.”

Yep, it did. I was surprised too.

Then, in the most serious tone imaginable, Jia Yun asked, “Is it a sex-enhancing drug?”

I froze.

Did I—Did I hear that right?

I turned to Fan Shi, hoping for some kind of reaction. Judging by her utterly baffled expression, I probably did.

“No,” I deadpanned. “It will make me small.”

Jia Yun nodded as if coming to a grand realization. “Does small feel better?”

I rubbed the bridge of my nose. Was it possible this ice-cold beauty was actually an airhead?

“No,” I sighed. “I don’t get what you mean… It will turn us small, so don’t panic, okay?”

A soft pop filled the air, followed by a shimmer of starry sparks.

Fan Shi was the first to shrink, her form turning childlike while her clothes magically adjusted—just as advertised by the gimmicky perfume from LLO.

Jia Yun blinked. “Small… huh?”

She stared at Fan Shi. Then at me. Then back at Fan Shi.

A long pause.

Then, solemnly, she said, “Jia Yun understands. Jia Yun shall not panic then, Senior.”

Good. A normal response—

“But you prefer us small?”

…

Okay.

Okay…

That sounded wrong on so many levels.

Before I could respond, my own transformation hit. With another pop, I shrank, my body turning childlike while my clothes adjusted accordingly.

I sighed. “Let’s spend the night as kids and have fun, so no need to hold back. Also—” I shot them both a sharp look. “No getting into fights.”

Jia Yun finally shrank, looking absolutely bewildered as she examined her tiny hands. Then she looked at Fan Shi. Then at me. Then back at her little hands.

I could practically hear the gears in her tiny head struggling to turn.

“So, it wasn’t that kind of ‘spend the night together’?” murmured chibi Jia Yun, her tiny arms crossed as she looked up at me in contemplation.

I sighed.

“Do you know, Jia Yun? You got one dirty mind…”

Jia Yun was blushing furiously.

Realizing what she had been thinking this whole time made me want to sit down and reevaluate my life choices.

“Dirty?” Fan Shi tilted her head. “What? What kind of night together?”

Not helping, Fan Shi.

I waved my hand. “Forget it. Just—forget it.”

Jia Yun gave a slow nod, as if I had just confirmed some deep, unspoken truth for her. “Jia Yun sees… Senior prefers playing with children first before—”

“Nope. Stopping you right there.” I clapped my hands together. “I swear, ladies should have more tact and finessed…”

“Apologies, Senior…” murmured Jia Yun, “I am ashamed of myself.”

Fan Shi glanced between us, still confused, but thankfully decided not to pursue the topic further.

I took a deep breath, steadying myself. “Alright, listen up. The whole point of this is to experience the festival without everyone staring at us like we’re walking disasters. No tournament politics, no sect rivalries, no grudges. Just kids having fun. Understood?”

Jia Yun nodded solemnly. “Jia Yun understands.”

Fan Shi hesitated, then sighed. “Understood, Senior Da.”

“Look at me for a second,” I said. “Now comes the important part.”

Fan Shi and Jia Yun turned their eyes toward me, their expressions unreadable.

I hesitated, the words catching in my throat. But this needed to be said.

“…I should apologize.”

Their reactions were subtle but telling. Fan Shi’s brow furrowed ever so slightly, while Jia Yun’s lips pressed into a thin line. They knew what I was talking about.

“The way your fight ended in the arena… It wasn’t just about skill or strength,” I admitted. “It turned out like that because the adults watching from the VIP box were greedy. Stupid, too. And I was one of them.”

Neither of them interrupted, which I took as permission to continue.

“You both knew about the betting, didn’t you?” I sighed, running a hand through my hair. “I played along. I let myself get swept up in it. At first, it was just a friendly wager, but then I escalated things. Because of that, the Cloud Mist Sect went all in and threw out their trump card.”

I met their gazes. “In the end, both of you suffered for it.”

Fan Shi’s lips parted slightly as if she wanted to say something, but she held back.

Jia Yun, on the other hand, remained as still as a statue.

“I won’t ask you to forgive me,” I continued. “But if you hold a grudge against each other… I’m begging you to let it go.”

Fan Shi stiffened. Jia Yun’s fingers twitched at her side.

“You’re both young,” I said, my voice softer now. “Too many people in this world die before they even get the chance to live a full life. That’s just… sad.”

Silence stretched between us.

“I’m not telling you to be friends. I’m not even asking you to forget what happened. But just—think about it. What’s the advantage of holding onto a grudge?”

I let the question hang in the air, giving them space to process it.

Then, as if fate wanted to throw me a lifeline, I caught sight of a stall just up ahead.

“…Anyway,” I cleared my throat, pointing at it. “Why don’t we decompress a little? You should at least try to enjoy the festival.”

Fan Shi exhaled, almost a laugh but not quite.

Jia Yun glanced at the stall, then back at me. “…Jia Yun understands.”

That was probably the best I was going to get.

I turned forward again, leading the way. “Good. Now let’s go mess around before I regret everything.”