Immortal Paladin

233 Love Pat

The sky was quiet for once.

From the horizon came a blur of fur and distortion. It wobbled erratically, defying any rules of aerodynamics or common decency. A fuzzy blob of a cat, more an eldritch hairball than an actual beast, sailed overhead, casting an absurdly large shadow before crash-landing headfirst into a forest with all the grace of a thrown boulder.

Trees exploded in every direction. Birds scattered. The earth groaned.

Then came the gulping sounds, slurps, splashes, and wet gasps. The cat-creature had flopped over to a lake and was drinking as if it were trying to empty the entire thing in one go. Its cheeks puffed. Its eyes rolled. And then…

It choked.

"Nya~ myah~! Gworkarkarka~!"

It staggered over to a patch of dry grass and began retching violently, heaving its chest with guttural convulsions. A slick spray of spiritual bile erupted as it finally spat out two objects: Hei Mao, and then... me.

I flopped onto the grass, naked, slimy, and smelling of void-ash and divine combustion. My skin was raw, my body covered in soot, and my hair partially vaporized.

Hei Mao lay twitching beside me. “Three moves,” he muttered, eyes barely open. “Really?”

I coughed out some black smoke. “Okay, I might have snuck in a fourth. And… maybe a fifth.”

He sat up and glared at me like a disappointed parent. His silence was louder than thunder.

“…Okay, maybe I snuck a sixth,” I admitted. “And a seventh?”

Hei Mao’s tone dropped flat. “Master… we almost died.”

I rolled onto my back and stared at the sky. “Shut it… I know. I was wrong. It won’t happen again…”

“Yeah. As if,” he mumbled. “This is the Hollowed World, a supposed-to-be backwaters place… what the hell was that thing, anyway?”

I dragged myself to the lake, not bothering to argue. With a heavy breath, I dove in and let the cold water wash off the ichor and residue. After a light rinse, I conjured a spiritual copy of the Lofty Jade Proposition and slipped into its emerald robes. The fabric cooled my skin and settled over my shoulders with a quiet elegance.

“I’m going to need armor,” I muttered to myself. “And my sword back. I almost thought we’re gonna die there.”

“That’s what I said,” Hei Mao stood on the shore, arms crossed. “But you don’t listen to me, Master! And for the record, you did die!”

“I mean,” I replied, gesturing vaguely behind us, “he tore a good chunk of the earth!”

And the fox did.

After I unleashed a Final Adjudication, the Immortal Beast went feral and threw a tantrum.

The beast had clawed into the very crust of the Hollowed World in an attempt to escape my Ultimate. Its tails dug deep enough to rip through mountains and expose what lay beneath the continents… blackness. It was the literal edge of the world. A tear in the shell of this entire realm was then formed. The Hollowed World wasn’t like other planets. It was built like a divine egg, a hollow sphere of spiritual terrain where gravity bent outwards, land curved against the inside of the shell, and heaven was quite literally the core of the world.

The nine-tailed monster broke through that shell.

Its power had cracked open the very foundation of reality. From that tear, void, and cosmic breath poured through. I’d taken the opening, gambling everything, burning my Quintessence, casting War Smite repeatedly, and throwing my whole soul at the beast until momentum hurled it through the breach and into outer darkness.

When the shell mended behind it, sealing the rupture like a healed scar, I collapsed with my body on fire and my mind spent.

That’s when Hei Mao came to the rescue, just barely after escaping the ‘reinforcements’ of the monster in the form of Cloud Mist disciples.

“It was pretty worth it,” I said to Hei Mao. “I just exiled that monster. With nothing but grit and dumb luck.”

"That's very you, Master..."

The still bloated black cat let out another wheeze. Its eyes bulged, and then it began choking again.

More retching. More bile. And then… splat!

A woman tumbled out of the cat’s mouth, covered in slime, her robes torn, hair matted with ichor and lakeweed. She looked like she’d barely survived a blender made of shadows and eldritch residue. She possessed silver hair and a soft aura. I recognized her instantly.

Jia Yun.

“Well,” I said, straightening. “As a bonus, we got her.”

Hei Mao blinked. “Hmmm. She’s the tail you cut off, right?”

Jia Yun looked up with wide eyes. “H-hello, senior…”

I turned to Hei Mao. “Hei Mao, meet Jia Yun. We’re… acquaintances.”

Hei Mao squinted. “Is it just me, or does she look terrified?”

Jia Yun’s whole body was trembling. I tried not to read too much into it.

“Maybe she’s just cold?” I offered.

“Y-yes,” Jia Yun blurted quickly. “I am cold.”

I groaned and dragged a palm down my face. My Divine Sense screamed the truth: she was lying.

“Right. Cold,” I muttered. “Well, no worries. We’ve got plenty of catching up to do.”

I raised a hand, smiling.

“Tea?”

“No,” Jia Yun replied instantly.

Ouch.

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I extended my hand toward Jia Yun, offering a simple gesture of peace. She hesitated, then took it. The slime squelched between our palms, cat beast stomach juices weren’t exactly elegant. I helped her to her feet.

Without a word, she reached beneath her sleeve, flicking her wrist to draw a narrow folding fan. It was a concealed weapon lined with blades. Her aim was clear: my neck. I didn’t move. The fan struck.

And snapped.

The metal cracked like cheap glass, splinters flying. The impact recoiled straight through her wrist, dislocating it with a sickening pop. She cried out, clutching her now-limp hand.

“Cure,” I waved a hand, and she was healed. “Take it easy, will you?”

Hei Mao let out a low whistle. “She’s definitely your acquaintance, Master… She’s dumb. Like you.”

I sighed, waving a hand again, this time to dry her off. The cat slime evaporated into steam, leaving her soaked robes warm but not dripping. “What was that about?” I asked evenly, like I hadn’t just almost been decapitated. "I mean, you didn't have to resort to violence with me?"

She didn’t answer. She ran.

The big shadow cat blurred, a smear of fuzzy menace. It vanished and reappeared in a flash, clamping its teeth gently on the back of Jia Yun’s collar. With no more effort than carrying a kitten, it dragged her back and dropped her in front of me before letting out a single lazy meow. Then, without flair or pride, it slithered into Hei Mao’s shadow, disappearing like mist into ink.

Jia Yun sat there, glowering, then muttered, “What do you plan on doing with me?”

“Honestly? No clue. I only wanted to cut one tail, not adopt someone. I didn’t expect the tail I cut off to be you. And now that you’re here, well, I can’t just leave you. You’re too injured. If you fell into the void with the nine-tails in your current state, you’d be dead in seconds from qi starvation.”

Hei Mao stepped closer, tilting his head. “How are you doing, Master?”

“Bad,” I admitted.

Out of my six souls, three had been forced back to the Martial Tempering Realm thanks to Exalted Renewal. The technique worked and kept me alive, but at the cost of regression. Rebuilding those souls would take time. Fortunately, I wasn’t a rookie anymore. I’d walked through Meng Po’s timeless world. I knew how to fast-track cultivation when I needed to. Besides, I could always supplement my weaker souls with the stronger ones still intact. Sadly, Tao Long and Liu Yana had two of them, and I only have one strong soul still within me.

Ultimately, I didn’t have the frozen sanctuary of Meng Po’s realm anymore. Every step now would cost me time.

I turned back to Jia Yun and gestured vaguely. “You can go, if you want. You’re not a prisoner.”

She hesitated, then asked, “Is it true you sundered the Summit? That you broke the peace between the Four Powers?”

“No embellishments,” I said, voice low. “Yes. I did. I killed bad people. But there’s more to the peace being broken than my actions alone…”

Hei Mao crossed his arms, frowning thoughtfully. “I wasn’t there for this ‘sundering’ nonsense, but I do know my Master. He’s lazy, mischievous, a total glutton, usually a good-for-nothing… except when it comes to his strength. But he’s a good person. He always has been.”

Jia Yun looked away, uncertainty flashing in her eyes. “You… won’t kill me?”

“Nope,” I said casually. “Why? Do you want me to?”

Her eyes widened. “Of course not!”

I laughed softly, rubbing the back of my head. “Had to ask.”

She fell quiet for a moment, then said, “Let me come along with you. So that I can watch you. I’ll decide for myself if you’re truly the ‘Unholy Taint’ people say you are.”

“And if I am?”

“Then I’ll kill you.”

Hei Mao made a choking sound. “Pffft… no offense, but you can’t kill him.”

Jia Yun met his gaze coldly. “The nine-tailed fox can. I have one of its essences, the tail you cut off, it’s sealed inside me now. Maybe I can’t kill him yet. But I can make him suffer.”

So that’s how she’d jumped to the Tenth Realm so fast. It explained the raw, unstable qi around her and the twitch of pain behind her eyes. Sudden power like that always came with consequences. Still… she was willing to risk herself just to judge me. That was oddly flattering, in a terrifying way. Honestly, she had the makings of a Paladin…

“You’ve grown,” I said honestly. “Your threats are actually good now.”

She narrowed her eyes. “So what’s it gonna be?”

“You’ve grown so much,” I added, smirking, “you don’t even refer to yourself in third person anymore.”

She blushed violently, looking away, embarrassed.

I chuckled and shrugged. “Well, I don’t mind. Tag along if you like. Just one thing… don’t die before me, okay?”

Hei Mao rolled his eyes. “Master, you do know that’s impossible, right?”

I turned to him. “Don’t rub it in, ghost boy.”

“So, should I go now to the capital of the Empire and inform His Majesty about your arrival?”

I tilted my head back and stared up at the sky. Then I saw a streak of white fire cutting across the horizon. A ship soared above the trees like a blade through silk, carving a radiant path through the air.

“There’s no need,” I murmured, watching the silhouette grow sharper. The keel was wide, wings swept at a sharp angle, and the rear glowed with divine flame. A presence hung from it like the trailing edge of a dream. “It seems he got my message.”

Hei Mao squinted. “What’s that?”

I gave a breathless laugh, and a strange warmth brushed against my chest. “That’s the Megatron,” I said. “Nongmin is here.”

Without waiting for questions, I said, “Let’s go.”

We moved quickly, covering the distance from the lake’s edge to the heart of the ruined island. This was once the Shadow Clan’s domain, a land of assassins, shamans, and pervasive spiritual fog. Now it was nothing but fractured stone and collapsed pagodas. The devil invasion had torn it apart like a paper doll in a storm. A few makeshift barracks and glowing wards dotted the landscape, evidence of a nearby military outpost.

So, how did Nongmin know to meet us here?

I hadn’t sent a paper crane or any sort of communication. I hadn’t carved a formation into the wind. Or send someone in advance. But Nongmin had received the message. I’d instructed Hei Mao to deliver it personally to the Emperor once we reached the Empire. Nongmin, with his broken timeline sight, would see the message delivered before it was ever sent. He would arrive not because he was told, but because he knew. That was how he usually operated.

I frowned.

“Do you feel that?”

I had a bad feeling about this.

A voice whispered behind me, sweet like fruit dipped in honey. “David,” it purred, “I missed you.”

No. Not here. Not now! I didn’t move. I didn’t dare breathe. I stared forward and prayed to every higher realm that this wasn’t what I thought it was.

Hei Mao muttered, “Uuuh, Master…”

I shot him a pleading look. Don’t. Please, for the love of jade and vinegar, don’t say it.

Pale, almost luminescent arms wrapped around my waist. My spine stiffened. My vision blurred with oncoming regret. I had explicitly told Nongmin not to bring ‘them’ along. So what was she doing here?

I gently touched the arm around my ribs. “I missed you too, Alice.”

It was the right thing to say.

But it seemed there was no right answer.

Suddenly, those dainty arms coiled like iron cables, followed by a suplex. The next thing I knew, the sky spun, the ground rushed up, and my skull slammed into the dirt with a seismic crunch. My head was dislodged from the ground as Alice lifted me a second time. I caught a brief glimpse of Jia Yun’s horrified expression just before gravity took hold again.

Then came the second suplex as I was driven on the ground a second time.

My head buried deeper, the world nothing but muffled echoes and crumbling earth. For a beat, I lay still, arms limp, feet twitching. I waited for the third. Thankfully, it didn’t come.

I groaned and shoved myself upright, coughing up dirt.

Alice stood above me, pink-haired menace incarnate. Her robes were dark silk embroidered with thorns, her pale skin practically glowing in contrast, and a thin line of blood dripped from one nostril. Her nose was broken. My passive Reflect damage was no joke.

“You know that won’t work,” I said, pointing vaguely at her bruised face. “You just hurt yourself.”

She wiped her nose without flinching. “Pain Amplification,” she said, voice dreamy.

Before I could react, her leg shot forward and struck me dead center between my legs. I neither passed the Dexterity check nor the Wisdom check. I collapsed and then curled up on my side. I tasted colors. My soul hiccupped. My entire line of ancestors screamed in sympathy.

She knelt beside me, watching my agony with clinical fascination. “I can’t help it. I like the pain. And now, seeing you like this…” Her lips curled into a dark smile. “I’m starting to think I also like watching idiots suffer.”

She stomped on my head, the hem of her robe lifting just enough to expose her thighs. Alice never played fair. “Squirm for me, worm,” she whispered. "Squirm for me and beg for my mercy after all the headaches you caused..."

I weakly lifted a hand. “T-time out?”

“How dare you?” she snapped. “After the shit you pulled?”

“I’m sorry,” I coughed. “I really am…”

Jia Yun cleared her throat. “Go get a room,” she muttered, averting her eyes with the kind of professionalism you only develop around lunatics. "This is just ridiculous..."

Alice turned to her, eyes glowing faintly red. “We’ll get to you later, little fox.” Then she faced me again, and her smile turned oddly nostalgic. “We have a lot of catching up to do,” she said, voice soft but laced with steel. “Lots and lots of catching up to do…”

Then her expression sharpened.

“First… where’s Joan?”