Illusion Report

Hello, my dears. My leave of absence notice was censored by Qidian, and I don’t know if it was because I said "g*golo" or "m*le escort."

They’re perfectly normal words, but once they’re replaced with asterisks, they seem twice as wicked, don’t they? A real case of shooting us all in the foot.

Anyway, since it got censored, all my Chapters are limited editions now. Look away and they might be gone...

Now that leave notice is just a dream in a receding rearview mirror. See? Those of you who saw it are blessed; you should run downstairs and buy a lottery ticket right now. (And if you win, you know who to thank.)

The last time I posted a thank-you Chapter was back on May 7th. At that point, it had only been five days since the death of the Bronk brothers.

More than a month has passed without me thanking my dears. What kind of gross filial impiety is that? And what, you might ask, is the reason for this delinquency?

One, because I’ve used up all the real estate in my author’s notes for my own rambling; and two, because if I save up all the thank-yous and post them in one super-duper long list, it creates the illusion that Illusion Report is incredibly popular...

Even though it’s probably the same group of dears every time, sponsoring me each month as if you’re giving your kid an allowance...

First up, let’s welcome to the stage my six superstar patrons: Your Dad Laughing Heartily, Drawing_Boxes, Jiuwu, Yaoyao and Linlin, Nevermind the Blossoms, and Pang Xiaoya. I’ll lay myself on the floor and be your red carpet...

’Oh, my dears, what are you all doing? You’re donating way too much—it’s gotten to the point where I’m too embarrassed to just give you a shout-out and feel like I have to post bonus Chapters instead... We’re all good friends here; there’s no need for all this! Next time, save the money and hire a m*le escort or something, geez.’

(I’m just testing the boundaries of what’s forbidden. What’re you gonna do about it?)

But seriously, for several of you... was it because my anxious speech about going premium made you want to comfort me? I looked at the dates on your donations, and I almost cried. Please leave me a message, okay? Let me know if you’d prefer a bonus Chapter or a shout-out, or if there’s something else you want. And Qidian, I absolutely did not say "sausage," so don’t you dare censor me.

Don’t mind our relatively small reader base. Your commitment to being my sugar mamas is very real, and I just love being a kept woman...

Next up are the patrons I see almost every month, Haines and Tiejia Baitang... Seriously, you two. You might as well just leave a supplementary credit card with me—no, I mean, this is just so embarrassing.

The "Illusion Report Research Fund" has grown thanks to Reader20190620111919738 (We’ve got to get you a new username! You donated twice, and it was only after typing out that long string of numbers both times that I realized it was the same person!), Jiuri Xiaoguaishou (A new reader, perhaps? Can’t be, right? Or is it?), and Moyuan_Read_as_Blackbird (Because of your username, I’ve been so brainwashed I’m forgetting the original words!). 𝗳𝐫𝚎𝗲𝚠𝚎𝗯𝕟𝐨𝘃𝚎𝗹.𝗰𝗼𝗺

And also b11111111111 (Got the subway ticket, thanks! Do they have a three-day pass? It’d be cheaper), Murakami’s Kafka (Why so formal?), Joiiiii (Donating even while watching a match—such dedication is truly moving), and Ershisi de QD (I feel like if I save up a bit more of these, I’ll have enough to sign my indenture contract).

Let me do the math... not counting accommodation, I think this should be enough to survive a three-day research trip to New York, right? To be honest, I have no idea what the cost of living there is like. I heard a single breakfast pastry can be seven dollars. Good thing I skip breakfast.

Next up is the first wave of our scrolling credits: Sanjiu_Loves_Red_Bean_Cake? (Yes, I’m the one who extorts protection money from high school freshmen), Lin_Sanjiu’s_Doggo, Non-Edible_Kitten_Gummies (Your donations are more punctual than my updates), Always_on_the_Side_of_the_Egg (I get it), and vitang (Well, hello again!).

Let’s start a new line to give your eyes a break: Thank you, Drunkenly_Uprooting_a_Willow (Maybe let the poor tree rest for a bit?), Jinjiang Qinshui, Emmy-chan, Zookeeper_k, Ciel秣, Aaaah_Whats_the_Matter, Yinglong_Wants_Turtle_Jelly (Go on, eat!), Mi_A_Ao (Meow), and The_Consort_of_Mumbai (What are you even doing?).

Continuing the list, thank you to Wu Ya, Yingyou, I_Am_Ayun’s_Doll_Sob_Sob_Sob (And a username like *this* doesn’t get censored?!), Shejiang_is_Not_In (I feel like you and Jinjiang Qinshui are part of a matching set), Dong Xie (My dear, you seem to be in excellent health, huh?), and Medea’s_Family_Sheep.

I recognize everyone in this next row: MARGINAL_Fish, Little_Angel_of_the_Cloud_Alliance, Hu Ying, Yue_Zhuo_Loves_Adventures (Top-notch in both comments and donations!), Shandong’s_Fugitive_Excavator (Thanks, and I promise I won’t tell the Lanxiang school), A_Cup_of_Daydream_No_Sugar, and 100,000_Volts_i—See? That’s the advantage of a small readership. I know you all.

Wow, business is booming. I also need to thank Erikakoo, Little_Sun_Will_Fly_You, DStorm, Spring_Equinox_Awakening, Little_Wine_Cup, Stepping_on_Snow_Past_Plum_Blossoms (You seem unfamiliar... a new reader, perhaps? I daren’t say for sure), Ah_Qi’s_Little_Girl, Du Ziruo, Jin Wu, _E_Stella_, Reader20230503221938575 (See? How is anyone supposed to recognize a string of numbers?), and Lucky_Seven_Treasures.

Look at this, such a vast and mighty thank-you Chapter. Anyone who didn’t know better would think I was number three on the popularity charts.

But a person can’t live in a delusion forever. From now on, I have to thank my dears in a more timely manner. I won’t dare to be so "unfilial" for such a long time ever again.