Idol Hides His Military Service

'They’re underestimating me way too much.'

As soon as Sanghyeok, the CEO of KJ Entertainment, declared the start, the members started moving around busily to make chocolate.

Watching that, all I could think was how laughable it was.

-You, Lee Sion... you know how to cook?

The members, who had already decided I couldn’t cook, were under a huge misconception.

This body, for all it looked like this, had six full years of living alone in my past life.

On weekdays, I could solve meals with the unit, the PX, and company dinners, but on weekends, there were plenty of times I had to cook for myself.

'The military is exactly the kind of place where delivery apps are useless.'

When you work in an environment where the only things that deliver are chicken and Chinese food, the officers naturally end up learning to cook just to survive.

I also had countless dishes I learned to make to stay alive, and chocolate was one of them.

-Today, I’m going to introduce a dessert you can make easily with just bananas and chocolate.

Since one of my weekend hobbies was watching cooking YouTube and copying what I saw, I actually had experience making chocolate.

In the first place, why did I suggest we rank them?

Because I was confident I could win.

Against members who were sure I couldn’t make chocolate, all I had to do was act like I knew nothing and act cocky, and I knew they’d go, “Oh yeah?” and come charging in.

It was the exact same thing as a cardsharp hooking suckers at a gambling table.

Suckers judge their opponent with their shallow little field of view, so they end up shoving their own heads into the tiger’s mouth, trying to swallow the cardsharp instead.

'First, a double boiler.'

It was time to show those suckers—no, the members—the real world.

In front of me were chip-shaped pieces of chocolate.

I picked one up and took a small bite off the end.

'Not a good product.'

The sweetness dominated, and I couldn’t feel that cacao’s distinct bitter depth at all.

That mass-produced, off-the-shelf taste made for scaling.

"Uh... so I guess we have to melt this... can I do it with a frying pan?"

At Lee Gahyeon’s absurd words as she stared at the chocolate, I just shook my head.

If you melt chocolate in a frying pan, it all burns, and the flavor gets ruined.

That’s why—

"Sion is doing it properly."

When I set a temperature-friendly stainless-steel bowl over the boiling water I’d prepared ahead of time, Raon, sitting at the judges’ table, let out an impressed sound.

Because the truth was, the only way to melt chocolate perfectly was a double boiler.

Which meant Lee Gahyeon, melting chocolate in a frying pan, was drifting farther and farther away from being my competition.

Besides her, Yunkyung—who said she’d learned from a famous pastry chef once—and Shinyu—who said she’d made tangerine chocolate before—were clearly melting their chocolate with a double boiler like I was.

'Yuri is definitely good.'

Yuri was calmly whisking the chocolate while already prepping the next step, and it looked like Yuri had real skill.

But—

"Hey, why is this sticking?!"

"Don’t talk to me! Something’s weird for me too right now!"

Instead of melting chocolate, DubDub was crushing it and ramming chunks into the molds.

No matter how you looked at it, one of those two was taking last place.

***

Last place.

'Anything but last place!'

Seo Ryujin was a model student.

Back in school, even if Ryujin just sat there, friends would recommend Ryujin for class president, and Ryujin’s grades were always near the top.

Sure, once trainee life started, the grades slipped a little, but it was still a position you could call upper-mid.

And Ryujin was pretty athletic too, so—

-Ryujin really feels like there’s nothing Ryujin can’t do!

Ryujin had heard that kind of thing all the time.

"What? Say it again. Have you ever made chocolate before~?"

"···Shut up."

"What was that? I can’t heeear youuu."

Right now, Seo Ryujin was nothing but a punchline.

With a piece of chocolate burned black sitting in front of Ryujin, Ryujin squeezed both eyes shut, while Lee Sion kept mocking Ryujin with full enthusiasm.

"Hee? What is this! This is Korea’s chocorettto?!"

"Ryujin—so Ryujin was bad at something besides comedy."

"If fans eat this, they might get a stomachache!"

And just like that, starting with Lee Sion, the other hyenas caught the scent of something fun and swarmed in to bite Ryujin to pieces.

"Why are you only picking on mine! Ryu Ayeon’s and Gahyeon’s are right there too!"

"Hm... those two already shed even the disguise of chocolate, so I don’t even feel motivated to mock them."

Ryujin, face bright red from embarrassment, yelled for them to criticize the other two too, but—

"Hmm... isn’t taste more important than shape?"

"I think so too, Gahyeon."

Unlike Ryujin’s, which at least still vaguely looked like chocolate, those two had already fallen out of not just chocolate, but the very category of food.

Meanwhile—

"I didn’t know Miss Sion had that kind of talent."

"Right? I’m kind of a dessert maniac, and that level of presentation is honestly store-quality."

"I’m glad I came today. I’m looking forward to the chocolate the kids made."

Lee Sion, whom Ryujin had been quietly looking down on, was showing skill far beyond expectations.

-Fan service!

Lee Sion’s performance—pouring melted chocolate into a piping bag, waving it in the air, and drizzling it down—made even Ryujin watch without realizing it.

Not only that, Yunkyung and Shinyu, the youngest-line, were also turning out fairly convincing chocolates, and Yuri—who’d said Yuri was interested in baking from the start—proved it wasn’t just empty talk, showing skill that could go head-to-head with Lee Sion.

Only—

"If fans eat chocolate and get sick, it could become a controversy, so for those three, we should dispose of their chocolate internally..."

"It feels wasteful to just dispose of it, so should we feed it to Yunsik first and decide?"

"Wow... Raon is scary. Manager Yunsik, it’s scarier here than SY."

Only three people—Seo Ryujin, Lee Gahyeon, and Ryu Ayeon—had created monstrosities so shocking that not just the judges but even the staff filming on site could only stare in horror.

"This can’t go on."

"What?"

"Is it because you don’t know what happens if Lee Sion takes first place and last place?"

Before this This is for you started, Lee Sion had exchanged a secret conversation with the content team leader.

-Team leader, what if the first-place reward is ··· and we make the last-place person do ···?

-Lee Sion, are you a genius?

Ryujin hadn’t heard the details, but it was obvious Lee Sion was plotting something extremely suspicious.

If things kept going like this, the three most likely to become sacrifices to Lee Sion’s scheme—starting with Ryujin—couldn’t exactly sit still.

"Then... should we work together and remake ours?"

At Ryujin’s words, Lee Gahyeon suggested joining forces.

But—

"What are you talking about? Even if we team up, do we have any chance?"

It was nonsense.

Ryujin couldn’t bring it to say it out loud, but the idea that three useless people lumped together would somehow make a better result was pure fantasy.

"Then what?"

At Ryujin’s cold answer, Lee Gahyeon made a miserable face and asked what they should do.

"Unni, there are two ways to beat an opponent."

"Two ways?"

"First is being better than them."

Right.

If you wanted to beat someone, being better than them made it simple.

"Second is?"

"You drag them down to our level."

"What?"

And the other way was a mud-wrestling brawl.

If the opponent was better than you, the only way you could win was to pull the opponent down to the exact same position as you.

"Uh...?"

Was Ryujin’s proposal too shocking?

Lee Gahyeon froze, stammering, and—

"Good idea. Let’s do it right now."

Ryu Ayeon accepted it like Ryu Ayeon had been waiting for those words.

And so, Seo Ryujin, Lee Gahyeon, and Ryu Ayeon suddenly formed a mud-brawl blood oath, and their eyes turned to the ingredients the content team had prepared.

Those green, fresh-looking ingredients that made you wonder, why are these here for making chocolate?

Only now did they understand what those ingredients were for.

***

"Kkieeeek!!!"

"Hold Lee Sion down for sure!"

"Got it!"

Hyeryeong had completely forgotten they were filming and couldn’t close the mouth that had fallen open.

"What the hell is that..."

While Lee Gahyeon held Lee Sion down, Seo Ryujin sprinkled something onto Lee Sion’s chocolate.

"No!!! Sprinkling mint into my chocolate—anything but that!!!"

"It can!"

"Be grateful, Lee Sion. We added a nice fragrance."

"Ryu Ayeon, you devil!!! That’s not even mint, that’s cilantro!"

Once they felt they’d ruined it enough, the chocolate vandals tossed aside the screaming Lee Sion and dashed toward another member.

"Hm... I didn’t expect Miss Sion to be the one to start the collapse—no, Miss Ryujin, of all people."

"If you watch closely, sometimes Ryujin’s eyes roll back even harder than Sion’s."

"We should make a note. The Seo Ryujin–Ryu Ayeon combination has a lot of destructive power, so it needs to be registered as a caution item in the Iam management guide."

"Yes, I’ll tell the managing team."

Hyeryeong was dumbfounded, watching CEO Kim Sanghyeok and Raon having a calm conversation even as that insane scene unfolded.

'No, you’re not stopping this?'

Even though anyone could see this wasn’t something idols—much less a girl group—would do, those two were observing with interest like they were watching a fun variety show.

And it wasn’t just Sanghyeok and Raon. The employees filming were also giggling as they watched Iam.

"No!!! Please, anything but wasabi in my tangerine chocolate!"

"Shinyu, is there a law that says you can’t put wasabi in chocolate?"

The more the members’ wails grew as their chocolate was stolen, the more the set bloomed with laughter.

KJ Entertainment’s CEO office had turned into a battlefield—Seo Ryujin’s crew running around dumping spices all over everyone’s chocolate, and the rest of the members trying to stop them.

'What a total mess.'

Lee Gahyeon, who was on the clumsy side, was getting grabbed by Lee Sion and Kurosawa Yuri and brutally punished, but Seo Ryujin and Ryu Ayeon—who were among the fastest in Iam—were still rampaging, completely focused on ruining the other members’ chocolate.

"Haah... haah...."

After a long struggle, chocolate production finally ended.

"Wait—don’t we have to eat this?!"

Just when Hyeryeong was about to let out a sigh of relief at the thought that this chaos was over, Hyeryeong suddenly remembered: Hyeryeong had to personally eat the chocolate from this disaster.

"Would you like some?"

"What?"

As Hyeryeong seriously debated running away, Sanghyeok held something out.

Hyeryeong looked, and it was a small pill.

"It’s stomach medicine. The moment I was chosen as a judge for today’s chocolate-content, I stopped by a pharmacy and bought it."

"Why would you..."

Gulp.

Before Hyeryeong could finish the question, Raon beside Hyeryeong had already swallowed the pill with water and answered.

"You watched those kids for three months and still expected normal chocolate to come out today?"

"Ah..."

Hyeryeong couldn’t say anything to that precise, bone-hitting point.

***

[Iam Does Reverse Tribute! ep.1]

-Today’s first place is Miss Lee Sion. The mint-and-cilantro chocolate was unexpectedly edible.

-Thank you!

(Lee Sion’s face, looking like Lee Sion died and came back)

-And today’s last place is... Miss Seo Ryujin’s chocolate. The judges’ comment is...

-It’s past just burnt. I don’t know why chocolate tastes sour and salty, but anyway, it was impressively bad in a complex «N.o.v.e.l.i.g.h.t» way.

-I agree with Raon. This tastes like pure human malice.

-···.

(Seo Ryujin’s face, unable to lift Seo Ryujin’s head)

↳Insane. I watched a full 30-minute video without pausing once

↳Give back the variety talents stolen by the idol industry!

↳For real, I don’t get why people whine there aren’t any young variety folks. There are seven right here

↳I’m losing it lmao why is an idol self-content funnier than actual variety shows?

↳There’s a reason Iam self-content views are higher than most variety clip edits

↳Honestly I’m a LYNX fan but I come to watch Iam’s self-content

Iam’s fandom had been in festival mode lately.

[This is why you root for the underdog]

"When I saw Iam take terrestrial 1st place over singers from huge agencies, I almost cried."

↳For real, I actually cried. Showing the power of a small company (not really) is insane

↳Look at how shameless they are, holy shit. The people who dropped 300 million won on their debut MV are trying to steal the underdog position too now?

↳Mm, Yours doesn’t know anything about that

↳Why are these guys’ fans starting to look like their idols too? They’re so damn cocky lol

↳They’re freaking out because it’s their first terrestrial 1st place, just cut them some slack

When Iam dramatically took first place in Popular Top Ten, Yours started venting all the pent-up resentment.

To be honest, the idol scene’s perception of Iam wasn’t very good.

Maybe because Iam had debuted in a direction with no precedent up to now?

-They’re blatantly getting pushed by the station and they still wouldn’t blow up if they were that good. Isn’t that weird?

-Ugh, these acne-bugs keep popping up nonstop

-They should just fawn over their own. Why are they acting out so hard?

-Do they think they’re some top-tier group or what lol? Once the show ends, the bubble pops and they drop straight to rock bottom

Since Iam was so popular with the general public, the side effect was that Iam had antis that didn’t feel like rookies should have.

Because of that, within the fandom, Yours had been trying to avoid mentioning other groups as much as possible and stay quiet.

But—

-lol they barely get first place in MuCa, their own living room

-LYNX must be pissed. Isn’t this basically getting robbed?

-Grand slam lol. They almost got hit by it, but they barely blocked it because of their daddy, so they’re hyped now

-Of course a group with no roots can’t get terrestrial 1st place

Only then did they realize, too late.

In this world, if you come out politely, politeness doesn’t come back to you. Mockery and ridicule do.

But even if Yours wanted to strike back, they needed a pretext, so they’d only been swallowing their anger. Then Iam finally handed them the treasured sword called terrestrial 1st place, and the vibe flipped completely.

Like they were letting out everything they’d built up, Yours went to the fandoms of other groups that had mocked them and stirred shit up as much as they wanted.

And thanks to that, Yours finally blew off steam to their heart’s content, then took a short break, satisfied... when another gift arrived.

News of Iam’s reverse tribute to celebrate terrestrial 1st place.

Just a few days after first place, Iam’s YouTube uploaded self-content, and Yours went insane.

[Agency CEO taking stomach medicine because of content]

(With no words, Sanghyeok handing Hyeryeong stomach medicine)

↳Father Sang... how did you live like this

↳CEO office gets taken over and the stomach gets injured too. Being an agency CEO is a 3D job

↳Honestly I’m impressed. The moment Lee Sion said “cooking content,” the CEO stopped at a pharmacy first. For real, the CEO’s steps are different

↳Raon, were you always this kind of character?

↳Hyeryeong gets invited, comes, and leaves after only eating cursed food ㅠㅠ

When they said the members personally prepared handmade chocolates, handwritten letters, and various events for fans at the last music show set of week four, the reaction couldn’t help but be explosive.

[Upvote if you’re Yours and you’re honestly curious what Seo Ryujin’s chocolate tasted like]

"At the end, the part where they all remade it together, saying they needed to make what they’d give Yours properly, was touching and nice. But can’t they slip in a limited edition Seo Ryujin chocolate too? I’m seriously curious."

↳You’re a Lynchip, you bastard

↳If you hand that out and people end up in the hospital, our kids make the 9 o’clock news

↳Then isn’t that good? The promo would go crazy

↳I’m curious what the rest tasted like too, if mint-cilantro chocolate stole first place from them

↳Hyeryeong posted a photo of eating porridge on Instagram

Week four’s music show—the only chance to receive chocolates and handwritten letters Iam made themselves.

-From now on, even Yours is the enemy.

Yours was happy and terrified at the same time as the competition rate skyrocketed, like it didn’t know what the sky was.