Surviving as a Maid of the Sichuan Tang Clan

But “talking well” and “listening” were two different things.

Cane never listened to anything he didn’t want to hear. No—he’d go a step further and act like he couldn’t understand me at all.

“Cane. I told you not to dig up the ground. You’re not a mole, so why do you keep digging?”

“SQUEE?”

Watching him tilt his head and play innocent gave me a headache. He only “didn’t understand” when it was inconvenient for him, and it was driving me insane.

I pressed my throbbing temples.

“Forget it. Why am I even talking to you.”

“KEE.”

“No lunch until you put it back the way it was. Gyeonga. Don’t feed him.”

“SQUEEEE! SQUEEEEE!”

The moment I said he wouldn’t get lunch, Cane shrieked and hurriedly started covering the hole back up.

That little thug of a sable.

More than anything, what really made him difficult was his greed.

I’d suspected it the moment he tore into that centipede raw, but our furry little lump would eat anything.

He didn’t care what kind of cooked food it was, and he even tore into the poisonous herbs planted in the garden like they were snacks.

Songji had nearly fainted after seeing him gulp down a snake—no one knew where he’d stolen it from—so it seemed like he ate everything except what he couldn’t eat.

Ah. Except the Grain-Avoidance Pellet.

The problem was that he also coveted food from outside.

Tang Seho had been fuming about some “flying squirrel” stealing his snack pouch, and I’d brushed it off like, Wow, what a weird day. Then I found a jerky pouch—one I’d never seen before—sitting right in Cane’s nest.

Then there was the time his fur reeked of liquor, and I spotted Tang Yeongho’s bottle rolling around nearby.

And apparently he’d been visiting the kitchen too, because he’d trot around with snacks clutched in his front paws—things I’d never even gotten to try once.

If I wasn’t careful, I’d get framed as a thief in no time. Those were exactly the kind of habits that got you accused first.

What am I supposed to do with him?

I needed to fix his behavior, but I couldn’t think of a good way.

As I scratched at my head, Tang Juhee happened to walk by and waved.

“Hey, little sister—want to try this? I mixed toad poison with arsenic.”

“Uh-huh. Hi, sister. Good to see you. Please keep walking.”

I waved back without thinking. I’d learned by now that Tang Juhee’s “Want some poison?” was basically her version of “Have you eaten?”

That was the moment Cane shot forward, drooling ropes, and snatched the bottle right out of Tang Juhee’s hand.

“Oh my. What’s with the sable?”

“Sorry, sister. He’s my sable, and he likes poison— Hey! Spit it out! Spit it out!”

Before I could stop him, Cane chugged the poison in one go, then licked his lips like he’d just finished something delicious. I saw red and smacked him a few times.

“KEE! KEEE!”

“Hey! I told you not to pick up random stuff and eat it—why would you drink that? Are you a beggar? Are you a beggar?! If you’re going to act like a beggar, go join the Beggars’ Union!”

“GRRUK....”

At my shouting, Cane tucked his tail and watched my face.

Unlike me, who was burning up inside, Tang Juhee looked like she’d discovered a brand-new toy.

“This is a pretty strong poison and he’s fine?”

She narrowed her eyes like it was fascinating, scanned Cane up and down, then curled her lips.

“You eat well. I like you. Want more poison?”

“KEE!”

At Tang Juhee’s offer, Cane spun in excited circles around her. Tang Juhee got excited too, plopping down on the ground with a wet SPLAT as she rummaged through her sleeves.

“What should I give you... ah. Do you like this? This is called Flower-Essence Powder. I made it to keep in my face powder, but it’s still weak. I’m improving it. Here—try it.”

Tang Juhee pulled out an ornate mother-of-pearl lacquer compact and held it out. Cane shoved his nose right in and licked at the poison powder.

The sable’s pink nose and muzzle turned white with dust, and the whole thing looked... kind of strange.

...It looks like he got high off weird powder.

Cane beamed, practically glowing from the poison energy, and Tang Juhee pulled out another bottle.

“You really do eat well. Want to try Baek-i’s poison too? It’s White-Lotus Snake venom, so the effect is guaranteed. It’ll be way better than what you just had.”

Why do you have to phrase it like that? It sounds so weird.

“Sister, that’s enough. I’ll feed him. Weren’t you heading somewhere?”

The vibe was getting more and more off, so I tried to rein her in casually, but Tang Juhee just shrugged like nothing was wrong.

“It’s fine. I have plenty of time.”

“No, I meant me—”

“Wow, you’re good. You’ve got potential. Let’s try Crimson Crane Powder too!”

“KEE!”

“Next... I’ve got a neurotoxin from Poison-Horn Flower-Net and a corrosive poison from Blood-Spotted Four-Wing Snake. Which one first?”

“SQUEEEE!”

Somewhere along the way, the girl and the sable fell into their own little world, trading turns and guzzling poison like it was nothing.

If you didn’t know better, you’d think they were sharing fine liquor. Except the drinking buddy was a sable.

I was too stunned to even try to stop ✧ NоvеIight ✧ (Original source) it. Arms crossed, I just watched the surprise poison-tasting session.

“Not enough?”

“KEEE.”

“This one too?”

“KEE.”

“Hmm. You probably need something stronger, but even I can’t get the Eight Great Extreme Poisons. You need Poison King Tang Clan authorization to take that out. Things like Noon-Midnight Heart-Burning and Soul-Leashing Water are hard to make, too. But—I did make something that imitates Auspicious-Scale Blue-Shadow. Want to try this?”

“SQUEE....”

Cane took the blue poison, drank it down in a wobbly swig, then started hiccuping over and over.

For a second, I could practically see a drunk old man with a strawberry-red nose superimposed over his tiny sable body.

So even he gets “drunk” if he eats too much poison. This is basically addiction—no, it’s straight-up substance abuse.

Still glassy-eyed, licking his tongue, Cane finally lost to the poison energy and went down with a THUMP. His short four legs trembled.

“Oh my. He’s already down? I thought he’d last longer.”

Tang Juhee pressed a finger to Cane’s nose like she was disappointed. Then she looked at me with a longing gaze.

“Little sister. Can’t you lend me your sable for seven days?”

“No. Grand Elder gave him to me, so don’t even think about messing with him.”

“What a shame. If you ever don’t need him anymore, give him to me.”

Absolutely not. Anyone else, maybe. You? Never.

“I’ll think about it. Sister, I’m going.”

“Mm. Next time you come to play, bring him. I want to feed him more.”

I can never bring him around her again.

Pretending I hadn’t heard that, I scooped up the limp Cane and carried him off.

*****

Cane didn’t wake up until a full hour had passed.

“Keey....”

“What.”

“SQUEEEE....”

He groaned like a man dying of a hangover, then scratched at the floor with his front paws. It looked like he was asking for water.

I’m really out here babysitting a sable that got wasted on poison.

Snorting, I poured water into a small teacup and held it out.

“Serves you right. I told you not to pick up random things and eat them.”

“Grrung... slurp slurp slurp slurp.”

With his head shoved into the teacup, Cane drank, then flopped over onto his back with unfocused eyes.

“Sn... squir... rel...? A-are you... okay...?”

In the meantime, Gyeonga had brought back a clear meatball soup and blew on it to cool it down.

“Here... th-this... try it....”

She scooped up broth and held it to Cane’s muzzle. His nose twitched at the good smell, and he licked.

Lying down and being spoon-fed hangover soup. This sable’s fate was truly the best fate.

Seeing him eat normally, I figured I didn’t need to hover anymore. I hauled myself up.

“Gyeonga. Take care of Cane for me. I’m going to study.”

“O-of course... young lady... d-don’t worry....”

Gyeonga clenched her fist with a solemn, determined face.

Handing the hopeless furball off to her, I headed for Tang Un’s quarters.

“I’ve missed you, little sister. Have you been well?”

I was heading there—until a fox-faced older brother blocked my path.

Tang Juyeop looked like he’d been about to go out. He was dressed extravagantly.

He wore a red long robe and a golden crown. The large red-jade earrings stood out the most.

When my eyes lingered on the earrings, Tang Juyeop smiled softly.

“Do you like my earrings? They’re made by coagulating Seven-Colored Red-Lotus Snake poison. If you wish, I’ll make a new pair and give them to you as a gift.”

Poison earrings? Stop. Please. You poison-obsessed lunatics.

“I don’t need— No, I’m fine. What brings you here?”

Even at my sour question, Tang Juyeop didn’t lose his smile. He lifted those long, narrow eyes and answered.

“I heard from Second Brother. He said you wanted to visit Moon-Fragrance Pavilion.”

“Oh.”

So Tang Un told him. That man really was... meticulous.

When I nodded, Tang Juyeop’s smile turned unpleasant.

“I understand. You’re at an age where you want to feel even a trace of your birth mother.”

What are you saying, kid. I’ve eaten like ten bowls of New Year’s soup more than you have.

I stared at Tang Juyeop without speaking.

There was no way he was being “nice” for no reason. I wasn’t even sure this counted as kindness.

And if Tang Juhee was right, it sounded like that bastard father of ours hated his children going to Moon-Fragrance Pavilion with a passion.

If he hated it when his favored kids went, then wasn’t Tang Juyeop trying to get me thrown out?

Tang Juyeop must have read my face, because he gave a little snort.

“Hmm. Visiting Moon-Fragrance Pavilion won’t shake your position, little sister. You don’t have a position sturdy enough for that.”

“Ah... yes.”

“Besides, your adoption into the family registry was forced by the Elder Council’s pressure. Father can’t overturn that alone. So you don’t need to worry about being expelled.”

It was true, but it still pissed me off.

Chucking softly, Tang Juyeop waved a hand like he was telling me not to worry.

“If you can’t trust me, then trust Second Brother.”

No. I can’t really do that either. He watched you poison me because he knew I wouldn’t be affected.

“Taking you to Moon-Fragrance Pavilion isn’t difficult. I have connections with the proprietress, so if you’re curious about the room your birth mother used, I can ask her to show it to you. Of course, another courtesan is probably using it now.”

After chattering as if he were doing me some grand favor, Tang Juyeop extended his hand with a syrupy voice.

“But there is a condition.”

The air shifted in an instant. An inexplicable chill prickled across my whole body, raising every hair.

Deokju seemed to sense it too—her presence sharpened, a warning that he shouldn’t try anything reckless with witnesses around.

“Oh, how scary. You won’t even let me speak freely. What a loyal guard. Makes mine look pathetic.”

“Say your condition.”

“I like how straightforward you are. I thought I’d be able to communicate well with my little sister.”

Tang Juyeop’s thin lips twisted into something vile.

“My condition is....”