I Want to Be a VTuber

What must it have been like for the first person who ever saw the ocean? I don't know. But I imagine it felt similar to when I first faced my own emotions.

From a distance, the ocean is just beautiful, blue, and clear—an unknown entity. Emotions were no different to me.

In my previous life, emotions were 'something' I didn't truly understand. Of course, I don't think my previous life was miserable because I couldn't feel emotions at all. It was just a condition, a form of difference.

I avoided them because they were unfamiliar, because I didn't see the necessity, or because I didn't feel the need to change. But isn't it true? One can't avoid emotions just because they don't want to feel them. Naturally, as humans, we express them.

So, at some point, I naturally approached emotions. One step at a time. Then, I dipped my feet in the seawater that had washed up on the beach.

It was so cold and unfamiliar. It was still not entirely comfortable, but with repeated exposure, I began to understand a little.

The reflection of myself in the water.

"Now, let's take a look."

Director Gong Jung-tae's words made me swallow dryly. My heart pounded heavily.

Until now, I had never felt fear when reviewing my own acting. It was a routine, something expected.

Even when everyone applauded my performance, it was because it was an imitation of emotions that a child couldn't naturally show. They applauded the near-perfect mimicry.

Acting. Yes, in retrospect, it was still acting. I played the character others wanted, even in my previous life. But that was all.

If I were a veteran actor, or one who could show more, it would be natural. I could effortlessly and habitually fabricate it.

So it was as natural as breathing, and I felt no specialness. No sense of achievement.

"Queen Dowager!"

The unfamiliar yet familiar sound of my voice marked the start of the performance. I watched, forgetting even to blink.

And it wasn't just me. Director Gong Jung-tae, the staff, And actors Yoon Jong-hyuk and Jung Eun-seon, All watched their performances together.

Until the final moment when Princess Yeonhwa left the room and the door closed.

"Wow."

As soon as the footage ended, Heo Jeong-su, the camera director, exclaimed.

"We shot it, but it's really amazing. Here, look at this part...”

"Yes, here, when Seoyeon raises her head, the light movement is excellent."

The originally bright light temporarily darkened when Seoyeon raised her head. Thanks to this, Seoyeon's red eyes stood out more clearly. This was slightly different from the initial setup Director Gong had requested. It was a sensitive improvisation by Camera Director Heo Jeong-su.

"...Is this reflected in the lantern? No, it looks like CG if you didn't know."

Director Gong Jung-tae looked at my eyes. Unlike the video, my pupils were now a reddish-brown.

Because of this, Director Gong Jung-tae examined my face with a curious expression before laughing softly. Apparently, my face looked different than usual.

"Seoyeon."

"Yes?"

"Do you think it turned out well?"

I hesitated to answer his question. What should I say? I recalled the video I had just watched.

I remembered the days of effort put into shooting that scene. I felt the stinging pain of the wounds on my palms.

But this was not an aquarium. It was my first footprint deeply embedded in the beach, with seawater wetting my ankles.

"Yes."

I think this was the first time I realized. When something makes you overwhelmingly happy, you smile without realizing it. This intense emotion that the seven-year-old Joo Seoyeon felt, Something my past self could never understand.

"It turned out really well."

I probably smiled like a child my age. Surely.

After that day's shoot, as expected, I was bedridden for a full ten days. Whether it was because of the intense emotional acting or the physical strain from the past few days, I wasn't sure.

In various ways, my child's body, vulnerable to stress, fell ill as expected, but I fully recovered after two weeks.

Even the sturdy body I was reborn with had its limits.

"Seoyeon, because you filmed your scenes in advance, you can rest for a while."

My mother reassured me not to worry.

The schedule was originally generous, and because I had filmed diligently, there were no issues. There was enough time for me to rest for an additional week.

'Everyone is so worried.'

It made sense, considering I was only seven years old. When thinking about how other children behaved, my situation was unusual.

'But if deep emotional acting is this hard now, puberty might be even tougher.'

It's a problem I can't control. Struggling now, it might be even harder with hormonal imbalances during puberty.

Given my past life influences, I might be better off now with a child's body, but still.

"Joo Seoyeon, you came out today? Why?"

"Do I sound like I shouldn't have come out?"

Holding my mother's hand, I arrived at the kindergarten. After ten days, Lee Ji-yeon greeted me with a grumpy face.

"You want to be the princess, too?"

I wondered what she was talking about until I entered the kindergarten and saw the reason.

I remembered the kindergarten performance was about two weeks away.

So, the teachers were preparing plays and dances with the children. Kindergarten performances are not to be underestimated these days—they can be quite grand. Parents often attend, and many events are held in rented halls.

"Now, if you want a particular role, raise your hand!"

Mina, the teacher of the Sun class, addressed the children. Her gaze flicked to Lee Ji-yeon and then to me.

'A play is so obvious.'

As expected, the Sun class was preparing a play. A common choice, Snow White. I wished for something more creative, but this was typical. The significant point was the 'play' itself, indicating a strong determination to win first place at the performance.

"Do you know, Joo Seoyeon?"

"Can't you just call me by my name?"

Lee Ji-yeon always insisted on using my full name.

"It just feels more comfortable."

"Actually, my mom says in these plays, the parents are the ones who get really competitive."

Where did she hear such things? It was understandable. Every parent wanted their child to be the prince or princess.

So, some parents disliked plays with predefined roles. Lee Ji-yeon told me this. Sometimes I wondered what kind of conversations Ji-yeon's mother had with her young daughter.

"Well, I'm going to take whatever role is left."

"Really?"

Lee Ji-yeon smiled happily at my answer. She always wanted to play the leading role.

Since I stayed quiet, Snow White naturally went to Lee Ji-yeon. Main roles with many lines and responsibilities were usually avoided by children. Some wanted them, but no one dared challenge Lee Ji-yeon.

It was truly a Lee Ji-yeon solo performance.

"Seoyeon, don't you want another role?"

"No, there aren't any other roles."

"I see..."

Mina's voice carried a hint of disappointment as she spoke to me. It would be odd for me to take a leading role in a children's play.

Well, I'm still a child. Of course, my parents would want to see me shine...

'Hmm...'

But the role I got wasn't just any extra part. It was quite significant.

I was the 'magic mirror' for the queen. A role no child dared to take.

'The face doesn't appear, but there are a lot of lines.'

It was a role everyone avoided. The seven dwarfs would at least appear on stage.

'Anyway, let's give it our best.'

In a way, the mirror role was similar to a VTuber. Though the queen didn't throw super chats.

Even though I took acting seriously, my passion for VTubing didn't wane. I was still pondering how to connect acting and VTubing.

As the performance approached, The final shoot for The Sun Hidden by the Moon began.

The Sun Hidden by the Moon. A fictional historical drama produced by KMB.

Initially, it seemed like a well-funded historical drama targeting young audiences. But after the making film was released, it garnered considerable attention.

"Director Gong, did Seoyeon finish shooting yesterday?"

Ha Tae-oh, the planning producer for The Sun Hidden by the Moon, spoke to Director Gong Jung-tae. Before today's meeting, he had many things to discuss.

"I watched the footage, and Seoyeon, this is her first drama shoot, right?"

"Yes, that's what I heard."

Ha Tae-oh recalled the footage he received yesterday. Unedited and without any added music, it was raw footage.

Despite that, Ha Tae-oh found himself engrossed in it. And it wasn't just Seoyeon.

Yoon Jong-hyuk, who played Jo Yeong-dae, stood out the most. His performance, truly befitting a master of villain roles, was remarkable.

"Even so, Seoyeon didn't fall short against Yoon Jong-hyuk... In some scenes, she was even more intense, though briefly."

Ha Tae-oh couldn't forget the moment Seoyeon raised her head.

How would it turn out with editing and sound? The thought thrilled him.

"And... was that filmed yesterday?"

"Yes, wasn't it excellent?"

"It really is. Nowadays, you can't underestimate child actors. As expected of Park Seon-ung's son. Oh, of course... Seoyeon was outstanding too."

Ha Tae-oh's voice was rarely this excited. Director Gong Jung-tae couldn't help but chuckle.

Indeed, seeing that performance, it was understandable. Park Jeong-woo, once called a child prodigy in acting, was equally amazed. His acting was impressive to witness.

"The last scene with young Princess Yeonhwa is S#32, right?"

"Yes."

"Hmm."

Ha Tae-oh recalled the footage from yesterday, his lips twitching. A smile he struggled to suppress.

Sometimes, you just have a gut feeling. A feeling that something will be exceptionally successful.

This was exactly that for Ha Tae-oh.

"Seoyeon is going to get very busy."

Anyone who saw her final performance would undoubtedly want to work with her.