I Am the Hero's Immature Younger Brother

At first, I thought maybe a slug had stuck itself to my cheek. That gross, damp, squirmy feeling—something like that. I was just about to smack it off with my palm, but before I even could, I felt arms locking tightly around my head.

What the hell?!

The soft pressure against my cheek got stronger too!!

And the mood around us was weird.

Some people were staring in shock, while others had their hands over their mouths, trying not to laugh.

Little by little, the fog in my head cleared.

So what had happened was—

That baker’s son bastard... had planted a kiss on me!

What the fuuuuuck!!

"I-I-I...!"

I was so dumbfounded I couldn’t even get the words out.

"Should I kill him?"

Luman smiled viciously as he grabbed a fistful of the baker’s son’s clothes, but that asshole didn’t care if his shirt got ripped off. He just shoved his head forward again and planted another kiss on me!!

Even with his shirt hanging half off him, the baker’s son blushed red and smiled shyly.

"You motherfucker—!!"

I scrubbed frantically at my cheek, and then the bastard, his whole face red, said something even more unbelievable!!

"Ren! The truth is, I liked you!"

"You crazy piece of shit! I don’t even know your name! Get lost, you son of a bitch!!"

Smack!!

I slapped the baker’s son across the face with all my strength—and staggered.

For a second, I thought I saw Brother Temar’s blue aura flick past the back of the bastard’s neck.

No, Brother?! I’ll handle the slapping, so don’t go starting shit!

"Aah!"

The one who caught me before I fell was Luman again. Even though his eyes were smiling, his face looked terrifyingly vicious! Why are you making that face with a sweet-looking face like that! No, more importantly, why do I keep embarrassing myself in front of this guy over and over and over?!

I hurried away from Luman and looked at the man standing there stiffly.

He had the mark of my hand still stamped across his face, and he was grinning anyway! He kept rubbing the cheek I’d smacked, smiling like an idiot over who-knew-what. And when he smiled, I could see a rotten tooth in the back of his mouth!

Ugh! He kissed me with rotten teeth, this fucking—

I’m gonna throw up!

"Ren, come back! If you marry me, I’ll show you a night of ecsta—ugh..."

"Ho ho ho. My son’s a little slow. Sorry about that, Temar."

"Fuck this. I’m the one it happened to, so why the hell are you apologizing to my brother? If your son’s a little slow, does that mean he gets to kiss whoever he wants?! If he’d tried that on Orc-Arms Lady over there, she’d have buried him alive!!!"

The woman with the orc arms narrowed her eyes into slits. The baker cleared his throat and tried to look dignified.

"Ho ho. Temar, have a safe trip! You idiot, come on, get moving!!"

"Reeenn! Ren!"

That’s how he got dragged away.

Looks normal enough on the outside, but what a goddamn moron!!

I sucked in a huge breath and shouted after him again.

"I DON’T EVEN KNOW YOUR NAME, YOU CRAAAAZY SON OF A BITCH! SEE IF I EVER COME BACK HEEEERE AGAIN!!"

I’d hesitated over whether to come along, but right now? I felt like I’d made a fucking fantastic decision!

The baker’s son, getting hauled away with his mouth covered, flailed all his limbs with the most unfair, wronged look on his face, like he was trying to tell me his name—but with the baker clamping a hand over his mouth, not a single word got out.

Serves you right! Bleeeeh!

I stuck my tongue out at him, then locked eyes with Brother and slipped straight into the carriage. For once, he didn’t stop me from cursing. He looked like he had some thoughts about it, sure! But even if he didn’t exactly take my side, it was basically the same thing as taking my side!

My foot almost caught on the carriage step, but I got inside like nothing had happened and hugged the bundle the apothecary had given me.

"Ah! Give me my bag."

Then I held both hands out to Luman through the still-open door.

"Uh... thanks for carrying it? Ahem."

I thanked him so awkwardly it came out sounding like a question.

God! It’s not like I’ve ever had many chances to say thank you before....

Making excuses to myself in my head, I waved to the apothecary.

The old man nodded and waved back.

Luman, who’d taken the driver’s seat himself, shut the carriage door, and Brother climbed up onto the horse that had been tied separately.

So cool.

From the carriage window, I could only see as high as his broad upper body.

"Temar! You have to come back!"

"Take care of yourself!!"

"Hennn~~! Listen to your brother!"

"Be a good little brother~~!"

"SHUUUT UUUUP~~! Old maaaan~~! Old man!! You better stay alive!! If you die, I won’t let you off!!"

I shoved the window open, stuck my head out, and yelled.

Through my blurry vision, I could vaguely make out the villagers’ flushed faces and the apothecary’s smile.

I snickered to myself, and Brother Temar gave me a stern look.

"Ren. Get your head back inside."

"Okay."

I can’t just... sit still! I’m really leaving, holy shit...! Whew. Calm down. I opened the bundle the apothecary had given me. There was one packet labeled in big letters motion sickness medicine, so I dumped it straight into my mouth all at once, and—ugh, it was so bitter I almost spat it right back out. When I made a miserable noise, Luman peered at me through the little window that connected to the driver’s seat.

Why are his ears so damn sharp?!

When I asked why he was staring at me, he didn’t answer—just looked at my face for a long moment.

"Leave it open."

"...Okay."

I almost pretended not to hear him and shut it, but stopped myself. Brother was here too, so I couldn’t act up.

I sat back down properly and crossed my arms. Better to fall asleep fast than puke from motion sickness, right?

The apothecary’s medicine worked well. Sleep came over me almost immediately, and I fell asleep clutching the bundle in my arms.

Up until then, even the rattling sound of the carriage wheels had sounded like a lullaby.

***

"Hey."

Luman called out to Temar.

His golden eyes flashed.

"Temar. Do you even know how your little brother’s been living?"

It was a question that landed sharp.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Didn’t look like he’s been doing too well. Except with that one old man."

Thinking of the old man who’d handed Ren the bundle, Luman narrowed his brows. Something about all this felt off.

"What are you talking about."

But Temar didn’t seem to think so at all.

The moment Luman saw Temar’s guarded expression, he knew he ought to swallow the rest.

If Luman explained it, the whole thing would look strange. He was an outsider, and there was no way he could know everything about the lives of two people who’d spent their whole lives in that village.

If Temar said it was fine, then maybe it was fine—but Luman still didn’t understand why he was the one who had to carry around this weird, nagging discomfort.

The sound of Ren’s soft, whistling breaths coming from the carriage only irritated him more for some reason.

This isn’t my business. I don’t want it to be, either.

Then why did it keep bothering him like a hangnail catching at his skin?

"Is your brother always that frail?"

That question wasn’t an easy one for Temar to answer either.

Because he didn’t really know.

When Temar turned to look at the carriage, Luman shut his mouth.

You really don’t know a damn thing about your own little brother, huh. Not that Luman was in a position to lecture him, but his tongue itched all the same.

Then one particular bastard’s face flashed through his mind again.

"Hey, Temar."

This time his voice was light and cheerful, unlike before.

"I’ve got something I need to take care of."

"Take care of?"

"Yeah. I’ll go handle it real quick, so wait here a minute."

"What do you need to take care of. Don’t start trouble, Luman."

Temar narrowed his brows, wearing a look that said he’d seen this too many times before.

Because he already knew that whenever Luman smiled that sweetly, it meant some kind of trouble—big or small—was about to happen.

"Shouldn’t a hero, by nature, stand for justice?"

"Luman!"

But by the time Temar called his name, only a cluster of light remained.

The light drifted lazily through the air as if mocking him, moving the horse’s reins with leisurely ease.

"Haa..."

***

"What’s with you? Why are you acting so weird?"

Luman was being strange.

When I woke up in the carriage, he kept looking back at me with this weirdly refreshed, satisfied look on his face.

"Are you sick?? Why do you keep blinking like that??"

"...Hah."

Luman let out a breathy laugh.

"Ren. Are you holding up okay?"

Brother tapped on the carriage window.

"Yeah!"

I answered brightly as I opened it.

"...Good."

Brother nodded, then pulled away from the carriage again.

It wasn’t like the passing scenery itself felt new, but just the fact that we were outside the village made my heart pound.

"Brother! Are we camping and stuff? Sleeping on the ground in bedrolls?"

"...I see."

"...?"

I see what?

I just sat there blinking, and laughter came from the driver’s seat.

"He never even thought about it."

Luman’s voice was full of amusement.

"Thought about what?"

"When heroes travel together, I guess you could say they don’t usually need that kind of thing."

"We’re not camping??"

"Well, that too. Usually they set up a field tent for ◈ Nоvеlіgһт ◈ (Continue reading) us."

"Whoa!! Then are we doing that too?"

I pressed myself close to the little opening by the driver’s seat to ask, and this time Brother answered.

"No."

"Why??"

"..."

"We should’ve packed things like that ourselves."

"...What, so we don’t have anything at all?"

What the hell... what kind of trip doesn’t even have camping?

You’re joking, right?

Don’t tell me you’re serious!!

"Hm. We’ll need to stop by a village once, Temar."

"Yeah."

"We’ll have to let Ren sleep in the carriage tonight."

"Yeah."

"We’re all sleeping in the carriage together?"

"Sounds like Ren wants us all sleeping together. What do you think, Temar?"

Luman asked it in a teasing voice.

"Ren. We have to stand watch. And the carriage is too small for all of us to sleep in together."

"...Oh."

Well... yeah, I guess that’s true. Two grown men and one almost-grown boy all sleeping together would be too much!

I know that too! I was just asking.

I started to pout, then stopped.

"Then how are we eating?"

"..."

"..."

"Brother??"

What? Why aren’t you answering?

"Luman?"

"..."

"What is it?? Don’t tell me we seriously don’t have anything at all?"