The Protagonist's Party is Too Diligent

Emotions aren’t something that can be easily controlled.

If everyone could master their emotions at will, then acting would be a profession that anyone could do.

I never had a talent for hiding my emotions. At best, I had just enough restraint to stop myself from making an outright disgusted face when my boss was berating me at work. And even that only worked if I had a drink afterward to vent to someone—otherwise, my irritation would start to leak out over time.

The only reason I was able to maintain my expressionless facade in this world was because I had the ability to turn back time.

There was no need for acting.

I could let out my emotions in advance, or at least process them privately before facing others, ensuring that only the necessary expressions appeared on my face.

That way, there was no risk of breaking character in front of anyone.

It was the same logic as watching a jump scare in a horror movie, rewinding, and then watching it again—you wouldn’t flinch the second time.

But right now, that option wasn’t available to me.

“......”

Still, I managed to get away with it that day.

Mia and Lena weren’t the only ones there. The conversation we were having was important, and Alice, Charlotte, and I were all deeply entangled in our nations’ political landscapes.

It wasn’t the kind of topic the average noble could easily insert themselves into.

But even if I got away with it that day, I would be seeing them a lot in the future.

Not just at the academy—our paths would inevitably cross again.

“Sylvia.”

“...Yes.”

It had been a long time since Mia had called me by name.

Then again, the Mia I had met in the goddess’s fabricated world had been different from the Mia standing before me now.

Back then, she had never fully overcome her introversion.

She had never even reached the point of calling me by name.

And yet, that Mia was the same person as the one in front of me.

She had simply become more distant from me over time.

...Though I hadn’t expected to run into her alone like this so soon.

Or maybe run into wasn’t the right phrase.

This wasn’t coincidence.

We were in the dormitory hallway.

I had temporarily forgotten because I spent so much time traveling for field exercises and usually roomed with Alice, but the academy dorms had single rooms.

No matter how close Alice and I were, we didn’t stick together in the dorms. Everyone needed their own private space.

Mia’s room was far from mine.

And since the academy had shut down before we even had a chance to pack up our belongings, our rooms hadn’t changed.

If Mia was here, walking down this hallway, then it was obvious—she had come to find me.

“I wanted to speak with you alone. Is that alright?”

Mia asked cautiously.

This was a far cry from the Mia I had met at the start of the semester, or the Mia from the world where her father was still alive.

Much more assertive.

Of course, she still wasn’t completely bold.

She couldn’t meet my eyes directly, shifting her gaze restlessly. Her fingers fidgeted nervously, pressing against each other.

“...Understood. Shall we speak in my room?”

I had been prepared for this.

I didn’t expect it to happen today, but I had always known this conversation would come eventually.

If Mia had remembered everything that happened in the time I had rewound...

Then there were many things she would want to say.

No matter how I tried to sugarcoat it, my first meeting with Mia hadn’t been pleasant.

She had lived her life with one goal—revenge against the person who had killed her father.

And I had been that person.

It was only natural that we had been enemies.

Mia nodded silently at my invitation, and neither of us spoke again until we reached the door to my room.

*

“That statement turned out to be true in the end.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“The first thing you said to me when we met.”

I held back the groan that threatened to rise in my throat.

At the time, I had been confident that I fully understood my ability, which was why I had so boldly turned back time. I needed to know just how much resentment Mia Crowfield harbored toward me in order to respond appropriately. 𝗳𝐫𝚎𝗲𝚠𝚎𝗯𝕟𝐨𝘃𝚎𝗹.𝗰𝗼𝗺

What exactly had I said back then?

Had I told her that I killed her father for the sake of His Majesty’s power?

And hadn’t I also said that her father was nothing but a piece of trash who preyed on and murdered children?

Even Charlotte, who had been standing beside me, had looked at me like I was scum. That alone was enough to tell me just how far I had crossed the line.

If I could go back in time, I’d smack myself upside the head right then and there. But unfortunately, I no longer had the ability to do that. Not to mention, turning back time in this world didn’t allow me to witness my past self, so it was impossible to begin with.

More than anything, if I had rewound time that far, I would have erased all of Mia’s growth, turning her efforts into nothing. Even if I could do it, I shouldn’t.

“In the end, my father’s secret was exposed to my mother. No, actually, I think my mother knew all along. When I was very young—so young that my memories from that time are hazy—she managed to endure because of me, the child born between her and my father, and because she still harbored feelings for him. But... a person’s heart has its limits.”

“I see.”

That was all I could manage to say.

If someone you had thrown such vicious words at about their dead father later came to you and admitted, “You were right all along,” what the hell were you supposed to say?

Suddenly, even the discomfort I had felt at the Grace estate seemed soft and warm in comparison. Now that I thought about it, that moment had actually been warm and comforting. It had been a moment of reaffirming family, a moment where I was once again accepted as part of it.

Here, however—whether Mia intended it or not—she was digging into every single one of my past mistakes. If I had to rank the worst moments of my life in this world, that reckless and cruel statement I had made, so certain that she would never find out the truth, would be at the top of the list.

Then again, it wasn’t like I had any idea how to explain myself to the daughter of the man I had killed.

“Watching my family crumble from a young age was painful. I didn’t understand why my life had to be this way, why things had to turn out like this. I just resented the situation. And then one day, I overheard my parents arguing and learned the truth... In a way, I could say my second childhood was a living hell.”

But that didn’t mean she had to be grateful that I killed her father. Back then, there was nothing I could have done for her. I had run into Mia a few times in the mansion, but just as she had no clear memories of me, I barely remembered her either. To Mia, I had been just another passing servant, and at the time, I had been desperately trying to hide my identity as a princess.

Perhaps I had never truly recognized her as a child. She probably hadn’t been the type to dress extravagantly back then either. Maybe that was why I never noticed her.

“......”

“...I’m sorry. I guess there’s nothing you can really say to that, Sylvia.”

It was uncomfortable. It wasn’t a story I particularly wanted to hear—not because I wasn’t interested, but because I wanted to avoid it. Because in some way, I had been involved in her misery.

But that didn’t mean I had the right to ignore it.

I had my own principles. ◆ Nоvеlіgһt ◆ (Only on Nоvеlіgһt) If I had to kill someone, and if that person wasn’t just some enemy I had to cut down in the heat of battle, but someone important—someone whose death required justification—then I would think about it more carefully.

It had been the same when I killed Count Crowfield. In the original story, his death had been a critical event that connected Mia and Claire. Since the novel never explained why the count had to die, I had thoroughly investigated it myself.

And I had come to the conclusion that he deserved to die.

Even if I could go back with my current knowledge, I would do the exact same thing. If someone asked me what gave me the right to make that decision, I would simply ask them:

“Would you have spared him?”

But no matter how justified it was, that wasn’t something I should ever say in front of his daughter.