Marvel: A Lazy-Ass Superman

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"Mom! It’s Aunt Carol!"

The Black girl who had just climbed down from a propeller plane beneath the hangar rushed straight into the arms of the bewildered Vers. "I knew it! Everyone said you were dead!"

"I’m not the person you think I am," Vers said, not pushing the girl away, but still turning to the approaching Black woman—whose face was full of disbelief—and explaining herself.

Seeing this scene of reunion after a long separation, neither Nick Fury nor Barbara Morse had the tactlessness to approach. They stayed some distance away.

Henry stood even farther off, because he had taken Katie off the plane to let her get some fresh air. To avoid scaring people with this "tabby cat," he obviously couldn’t just wander closer to unfamiliar faces.

It wasn’t that he feared Katie biting anyone—he feared others being startled. Given America’s gun ownership rate, who knew whether this retired Air Force mom might suddenly pull out a gun and start shooting the moment she saw a tiger?

Another reason Henry lagged behind was that he wanted to get a close look at the single most illogical existence in the entire Captain Marvel movie—the orange cat that was actually a Flerken: Goose.

Calling it "illogical" wasn’t a complaint about fictional creatures appearing in a work of science fiction.

It was that the movie never explained how this orange cat casually appeared inside a supposedly heavily guarded Air Force base, then tagged along with the protagonists and provided massive assistance, all without any buildup.

Moving a step slower than the others, Henry ignored Goose’s attempt to sneak away. He grabbed the Flerken by the scruff of the neck and lifted it up, face to face.

Sure enough, a Flerken wasn’t quite the same as an ordinary cat. At the very least, it didn’t meow like one. But since it had the outward appearance of a cat, its other features didn’t stray too far either.

From skeleton to musculature, it was almost indistinguishable from a normal cat. The only notable difference was in the muscles surrounding the lower jaw, which were structured more like a snake’s—allowing the Flerken to open its mouth to an absurd, almost impossible extent.

Up to that point, it still resembled a normal cat. But the internal organs were where it completely departed from any Earth-based biological logic.

The Flerken’s brain folds were extraordinarily dense—far beyond those of a regular cat. Although its brain volume didn’t reach human levels, the density of its cortical folds meant that, compared to a cat, a Flerken wasn’t just a little smarter—it was leagues ahead. 𝕗𝐫𝐞𝕖𝕨𝐞𝗯𝚗𝕠𝘃𝐞𝚕.𝐜𝗼𝚖

Then there was the digestive system. From mouth to esophagus to stomach, everything deviated from mammalian norms.

Especially the stomach.

Ever since absorbing enough yellow sunlight to gain X-ray vision, Henry had found only two things he couldn’t see through: lead, and the Flerken’s stomach.

He could see the outside of Goose’s stomach, which looked no different from a normal cat’s—about the size of a slightly large adult fist. But when he tried to look inside, his vision simply skipped past it entirely, revealing what lay behind the stomach instead.

According to official lore, a Flerken’s stomach contained a pocket universe.

A universe inside a universe—what kind of physical manifestation that entailed fascinated Henry to no end.

He had expected to see something like an event horizon or a miniature black hole. Instead, it was just... blocked. Completely hidden. Nothing to see.

It was like watching an adult film after getting fully prepared, only to find the entire screen covered in mosaic censorship. Enough to make anyone want to curse.

Goose seemed to sense that its secret was being scrutinized. At first, it had merely given Henry a disdainful, judgmental look. Now it began struggling violently, its paws flailing.

At least it still had some restraint—it didn’t open its mouth or extend its tentacles to try and swallow Henry whole. Otherwise, Henry would have taken the opportunity to see just how formidable the Marvel Universe’s infamous Flerken really was when facing a Kryptonian.

That said, Goose’s claws were famous in their own right—they had famously cost Black Nick Fury one eye. Henry reacted instantly, catching one paw. He pressed his thumb against the paw pad, studied the claws closely, and even sniffed them.

There was no toxin, contrary to what one might expect. Instead, there was a strange energy fluctuation—one that caused wounds inflicted by the claws to resist healing.

Henry noticed this because the temperature around the Flerken’s claws was abnormal, not consistent with normal mammalian body heat dissipation.

Unfortunately, Henry’s probing seemed to irritate the Flerken further. Beyond Goose’s increasingly sharp gaze, its entire body began emitting abnormal energy fluctuations.

Most notably, the much-studied stomach began to contract and writhe.

Henry quickly shifted from holding to cradling, stroking Goose’s head, neck, and back several times to calm it down.

It didn’t work.

Goose enjoyed it briefly, then wriggled free, leapt to the ground, raised its tail arrogantly, and walked away.

In terms of personality, Goose was far more striking than Katie, who was well on her way to being raised into something resembling a pig.

In the unfamiliar environment, Katie showed none of the domineering presence of a king of the jungle. Instead, she stuck close to Henry’s leg, as if afraid of being abandoned in this strange place.

Still, she didn’t try to compete for attention. Henry petted the cat, and Katie simply watched with a placid, dopey expression. Even when Goose escaped and strutted away with its tail held high, flaunting its rear end, Katie only watched.

Seeing this, Henry couldn’t help but sigh inwardly—this tiger had really been spoiled useless.

Just as he started walking over to join the others who had already disembarked from the Quadjet, he heard a child’s excited cry:

"That’s a tiger! That has to be a tiger!"

"No, young lady," Henry replied smoothly, "this is a tabby cat named Katie."

He casually rubbed the tiger’s head and added, "Katie, say hello to the young lady."

"Roar!"

The bold little girl with the afro wasn’t scared at all by the roar. She was so excited she tried to rush forward—only for her mother to grab her in time. Otherwise, the foolish child would have personally delivered herself into a tiger’s jaws.

Maria Rambeau pulled her daughter behind her, one arm raised protectively as she asked warily, "That tiger won’t bite, will it?"

Stopping where he was, Henry answered calmly, "If I said Katie doesn’t bite, doesn’t eat meat, and is a vegetarian, no one would believe me. If you’re worried, I can stay farther away."

Relaxing slightly, Maria looked at the tiger that never left the man’s side and said, "It’s fine. Just make sure she doesn’t run around."

Henry might have been agreeable—but that didn’t mean her daughter was.

The little girl tugged at her mother’s clothes. "Mom, can I pet her?"

"No!"

Just then, Maria noticed an orange cat walking toward them. She scooped it up reflexively. "If you’re going to hold something, hold a real cat. Huh? Goose! Why are you here?"

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