Limitless Evolution As a Snake

Name: Matthew Vane (Matt)

Current Form: [The Glass Phantom Snake (Rank E)]

Rank: E

Indulgence Points (IP): 30

EXP: 3,500 / 10,000xp

[Pressure Point Intuition]

The user possesses immense knowledge of pressure points and nerve clusters, and can produce a variety of effects by striking said pressure points in just the right way, ranging from unconsciousness, paralysis, and even death.

Note: Now you’re the Chinese doctor.

Cooldown: no cooldown.

[Squeaky-Toy Impact (Rank F)]

Okay so. You know those rubber dog toys? The ones shaped like a hot dog or a little frog or whatever, and some absolute unit of a Labrador is going absolutely mental on it? That noise. That’s the noise you make now, except coming out of a snake, and at 110 decibels, which is technically louder than a jackhammer.

Note: WEEEEEEZE.

Cooldown: no cooldown.

[Blood Venom (Rank D)] (TRULY OP)

Makes all the blood in something turn into air just, like,

immediately. All of it poof gone dead.

Note: Highly lethal.

Cooldown: 24 Hours.

[Bonus buffs]

1 week of insta pussy wet for Lyra when getting wet. In effect

[System: Oi, come on, Matt, please picture it. You’re cornered, right? Some absolute unit of a monster, yeah? Claws, teeth, the whole deal. It’s looking at you like you’re a little wormy snack and then WEEEEEZE, BAM straight in their face. Imagine the confusion and imagine the humiliation for both of you.]

Priceless or not, I’d rather have gone with something a bit more dignified or even useful?

Maybe it’s not the worst thing, squeaky-toy or not, if something’s got its jaws around me and I let rip at 110 decibels directly into its ear canal, that’s okay, that’s actually kind of funny to picture, and funny is good, and strong, right? Lyra likes laughing?

[System: Bet you didn’t see that coming, aye?]

No, Old mate, I thought you were on my side, sadly.

[System: I am on your side; I want to see you squeak and wheeze when you see Lyra, or any other woman haha.]

ahhh noo I should be sliding through total darkness right now, reading the heat signatures of everything around me like a map, hunting things that don’t even know I exist yet. Instead I got a squeaky toy! Where is my thermal vision, genuinely, where is it?

[System: in the bin, I threw it out, remember you only get three skills.]

Ahh fuck you, I’ve got places to be.

I slide into the shadow of a discarded can, feeling the rough texture against my scales. In the darkness, I practice activating the skill, bracing myself.

A sudden, jarring squeak echoes off the walls and the sound of a thousand rubber chickens being tortured simultaneously. It’s so loud, I nearly jump out of my skin.

No no no no. I wish I never tried that; I feel like everyone everywhere heard that.

I can’t help but feel a grudging acceptance. It’s part of me now, this ridiculous, noisy skill. And who knows? Maybe it’ll grow on me, maybe it’ll be good...

Old mate perks up like it’s been waiting for this exact moment.

[System: Alright mate, you look like an invisible pen you are good and ready, let’s go sort out that shopkeeper bloke, quiet like, in and out, nice and tidy. Reckon we nab some food off him while we’re at it too. That’s two out of three on the quest mate, and five hundred exp waiting on the other side of his last breath. Red form’s right there, just gotta reach out and grab it.]

I let out a long breath through my nose, if snakes even have the parts for that, and just accept it. There’s no point arguing with the bum when he’s already made up his mind and mine along with it.

Alright, alright, let’s go then, no need to sell it to me twice, I’ve never been a saint anyway.

I slip out from behind the can and start moving, following the curve of the wall until I find the gap that leads up into the old pipe system. The metal is cold and slightly damp under my belly, rigid in a way that actually helps me push forward faster, like built-in traction. I twist through the bends, up past a junction that smells like old rust and mildew, and the pipes start sloping upward, running above what I can only guess is the market level based on the noise bleeding through the walls.

Voices, haggling, some kind of sizzling food cart, all muffled. I zip through the tunnel, weaving side to side just for the fun of the momentum, my whole body compressing and releasing like a spring.

Somewhere in the back of my skull, that stupid instinct kicks in again, the one that isn’t really mine, screaming, mark it, this is ours now. Every intersection I pass, every bend I slide through, some primal little voice goes this is mine, mine, mine, like a toddler with a crayon scrawling over the walls of a rental.

Old mate, why do you want me pissing on everything? Seriously, what’s the actual deal here? Are you actually into golden showers?

[System: Look, mate, it’s a whole territory thing, yeah? Comes with the scales. You mark it, other things smell it, other things bugger off, simple as that. Keeps the real nasties from wandering into your patch while you’re busy touching elves.]

That doesn’t answer my question though, why do YOU care, and you didn’t answer about the golden showers you sick fuck.

[System: Once you’re out of these sewers and back up in normal civilisation, proper streets, proper buildings, I reckon that urge dies down on its own. Maybe you should consider it a sewer thing. Temporary, you know, a perk of the neighbourhood.]

Great, so I’m basically a stray dog until further notice. Fantastic, love that for me; it’s just like when I woke in a jar, flicking my tongue out.

[System: You should bark.]

shut up.