I'm a weak Exorcist, and the Yanderes Around Me Aren't Human

Kai opened his mouth.

Nothing came out.

His throat had tightened somewhere along the way.

A faint smile touched the corner of her mouth.

Then her jaw opened.

His body locked instantly.

Further.

Further.

The hinge kept going.

Somewhere halfway through, human anatomy stopped applying.

Darkness spilled from between her teeth in slow ribbons.

Her red eyes glowed steadily beneath the curtain of silver hair hanging around them while she lowered herself toward him one inch at a time.

Not sudden.

Slow enough that he could do nothing except watch it happen.

"I said," she whispered warmly, voice still perfectly gentle through that impossible mouth, "that I would not kill you."

Closer.

The pressure around his body grew heavier. His spiritual armor flickered violently against it, thin light cracking across his skin.

"I did not promise anything else."

His brain said bluff.

His body believed her completely.

She leaned lower.

Close enough now that cold touched his face with her breath.

Kai squeezed his eyes shut.

White flashed behind his eyelids.

Something soft pressed against the tip of his nose.

Wet.

Tiny.

kiss

...

Silence.

The pressure eased slightly.

Kai opened his eyes carefully.

A phone hovered over his face.

Shizuka stared down at the screen with her thumb near the camera button while faint black mist still drifted lazily from her body into the dark yard around them.

For one long second he could only stare back at her blankly, heartbeat still slamming painfully against his ribs.

Then the camera clicked.

Shizuka looked at the photo.

A small sound escaped her throat.

Her shoulders shook once.

Again.

Then she broke.

Laughter burst out of her hard enough that she folded partly over his chest, one hand over her mouth while the other still held the phone.

The dark haze around the yard trembled unevenly with it.

Kai lay there breathing hard beneath her.

"You fucking psychopath."

That only made her laugh harder.

"The face you made—"

"I thought you were going to eat me!"

Kai dropped his head back into the grass with a groan.

Above him, Shizuka looked at the picture again and immediately started laughing all over again before leaning down close enough for silver hair to spill across his face.

This time her smile felt warm.

"Welcome home, Kai~~~," Shizuka said between laughs.

Kai lay in the grass staring up at the night sky while his heartbeat slowly stopped trying to escape through his ribs.

"I knew you were bluffing," he said.

"Your face—"

She looked at the photo again and immediately bent forward laughing harder.

"I knew the whole time."

"You were terrified."

"I was acting."

Shizuka turned the phone around and held the picture over him.

His own face stared back from the screen. Eyes squeezed shut. While he lay pinned beneath her like he was seconds away from death.

"...Okay maybe a little."

"A little," she repeated softly.

Her eyes stayed bright with amusement. Pleased in a way that seemed too large for her body to contain properly.

"You deserve it."

Kai groaned quietly. "For what."

"For still being afraid of me."

The words came out simple. Honest.

She tilted her head slightly, lower lip pushing forward just a little.

"After all this time."

Kai looked at her.

The teasing expression remained on her face, but something underneath it felt genuine enough to tighten his chest unexpectedly.

"So bad, Kai," she murmured. "You hurt my feelings."

"You tackled me through the gate."

"You survived."

"Barely."

"Say cheese~."

The flash exploded before he could move.

"Shizuka—"

Too late.

She looked at the second photo and another laugh escaped her, quieter this time while she stared down at the screen to herself.

Kai sat up with a groan and brushed grass from his jacket.

Weak flickers of spiritual light still crawled faintly over his skin before fading completely.

The grocery bag had landed near the walkway.

He checked the eggs first.

Still intact.

Good.

He was beginning to deeply regret teaching Shizuka how to use a smartphone.

She was still looking at the screen while he picked the groceries up.

Then she stopped.

A slight crease formed between her brows.

"...Kai."

He glanced over.

She tilted the phone toward herself slightly, reading the notification near the top.

STORAGE ALMOST FULL

Shizuka blinked once.

Then looked at him.

"Kai," she said slowly. "What is this."

Kai looked at the phone.

Then at her.

A small terrible idea immediately entered his brain.

Shizuka was still watching him expectantly, holding the phone loosely in one hand.

Completely off guard.

After everything she had just done to him.

"Show me."

She held the phone up toward him without suspicion.

Kai stepped closer.

Closer.

Shizuka’s eyes stayed on his face while he leaned down beside he.

He reached toward the phone.

Missed intentionally.

His fingers slid beneath the black choker around her neck instead.

Found the hidden latch underneath.

For one second Shizuka’s eyes widened slightly.

Click.

BLAM!!!

Her head exploded.

Dark energy burst violently across the yard. Black liquid sprayed outward and dissolved instantly into drifting vapor while her body dropped sideways into the grass.

The phone bounced once beside her.

Dark mist curled lazily upward from the ruined neck.

Silence.

Kai stood there looking down at the body.

Then he crouched, picked up the phone, and deleted his recent pictures.

The body twitched once beside him.

Still alive.

Obviously.

She is an Umbral.

Kai slipped the phone into his pocket, grabbed the grocery bags, then looked back down at her body lying in the grass.

"...Now we’re even."

The corpse gave no response.

He left it there for about a minute to keep the groceries inside.

Then sighed, came back, grabbed her under the arms, and started dragging her toward the house.

"You are unbelievably annoying," he informed the headless body while hauling it through the glass doors.

Dark mist continued drifting upward from the neck stump in slow lazy curls.

In an hour she’d wake up furious.

Probably loud.

Definitely vindictive.

Kai dropped her beside the kotatsu.

"...Worth it."

Then he went to run a bath.