Harem Apocalypse: Every Moan Levels Us Up!

"Who among you drives?" Richard asked, leading us through the narrow, shadowed corridors of the Safe City. His steps were careful and practiced, the gait of a man who had learned exactly which streets to avoid and which shadows hid danger.

Nobody answered.

He glanced back at me. "You?"

"No," I said.

"Knew it." He kept walking, weaving around a pile of collapsed rubble. "I could tell the moment I saw you. But don’t worry. I’m an excellent driver."

The girls walked a few steps behind us, murmuring quietly between themselves with the easy rhythm of people on a casual stroll. Mercury’s low laugh drifted forward now and then. Jenn’s voice was softer, calmer. I stayed focused, eyes scanning every doorway, every dark corner, every broken window that could hide movement.

Richard kept talking.

"I was a soldier, you know," he said. "Fought infected my whole life."

I glanced down at his legs, pale, soft, and far too hairy for someone claiming combat experience. I said nothing.

"Richard," I said. "Can we get food before the car?"

He stopped abruptly and turned, eyes narrowing behind his thick glasses.

"Could you shut your mouth for one second?"

The irony of that coming from him sat between us without comment.

"Ladies," he said, suddenly cheerful again as he turned to Mercury and Jenn. "No need to walk behind. Come to the front. We’ll watch your backs."

"We don’t know where we’re going," Mercury pointed out.

"I’ll direct you," Richard said smoothly, gesturing them forward with a flourish.

They passed us. Richard watched them go, his gaze lingering a little too long, with an expression I chose not to acknowledge.

***

The garage door groaned open on rusted tracks, revealing a large black car parked in the center like a sleeping predator. It was sleek, heavily built, and impeccably clean, the kind of vehicle that belonged to someone who had decided their comfort was non-negotiable even at the end of the world.

Sunlight from a high broken skylight cut across its polished surface, making it gleam.

"Senator’s car," Richard announced, with the pride of someone presenting something they had personally built. "Told you."

We all stared at it. For the first time since stepping into his apartment, I started believing Richard might actually be useful.

We climbed in. Richard took the driver’s seat with exaggerated confidence. The rest of us settled into the back with the shared instinct of people who had silently agreed the front seat wasn’t where they wanted to be.

I ended up between the two girls.

At the front, Richard was jabbing at buttons on the dashboard with intense focus, muttering to himself as the car refused to cooperate immediately.

"Remember I have nothing under this skirt," Mercury whispered, leaning close to my ear.

I stared fixedly at the ceiling.

"Richard," I said. "We still need food."

"I know," he said. His voice had a slight shakiness to it that I noted and filed.

"Richard," Mercury said, straightening up and looking at the windshield. "Do you actually drive?"

"Do you?" he shot back.

"Yes," Mercury said, without hesitation.

"Then come drive. My left leg is acting up."

Mercury opened her door, winked at me, and slid out.

Don’t tell me, I thought. Don’t tell me you were going to drive us when you don’t know how.

Richard slid smoothly to the passenger seat as Mercury settled behind the wheel. "I’ll take over when you’re tired," he muttered.

The engine roared to life instantly under Mercury’s hands. We pulled out of the garage into the bright, ruined streets of the Safe City.

"Don’t forget we need—"

"Can you not speak for one single minute?" Richard cut me off. "I know."

Mercury laughed. She had a different quality when she was driving, more settled, more herself, the steering wheel returning something to her that the passenger seat took away.

"There," Richard said, pointing.

Mercury pulled up almost in the doorway of a small supermarket, open, the interior still stocked with the specific miracle of a city that had been abandoned fast.

"Ladies stay," Richard announced, opening his door. "I’ll go with the big man."

Mercury looked back at me. The look of someone calculating whether to stay or go.

"It’s okay," I said, meaning everything I wasn’t saying out loud.

I got out and closed Richard’s door behind him since he had left it open.

***

The supermarket was dim and cool inside, lit only by emergency lights and shafts of daylight cutting through dusty skylights. Fridges hummed faintly on backup power. Aisles were still lined with drinks, cereals, and canned goods, untouched by time or looters.

Richard moved through the aisles with practiced speed, large bag open, clearly someone who had done this many times before.

He reached into his own bag and shifted something aside to make room.

"What’s that?" I asked.

"Beans," he said.

"You had beans and gave me plain rice?"

"Are you a girl?" he replied, completely deadpan.

Something fell from a high shelf behind us with a loud clatter. Richard ran.

He was gone before the sound finished. I hadn’t seen a man move that fast since Vince Vale, and the context was completely different.

There is no way you were a soldier, I thought, watching the empty aisle where he had been.

I stayed still. Listened. Nothing came. Something had just fallen on its own.

I packed what I could find into a large bag, organized Richard’s abandoned one, and carried both outside to where Mercury had the engine running and was watching the door.

Richard appeared from somewhere behind the car the moment I stepped out, walking with the relaxed pace of someone who had stepped out for air.

He helped me load the boot without comment. We settled back in. Richard at the front. Me and Jenn in the back. Mercury at the wheel.

"You’re certain about the route?" I asked.

"The safest one," Richard said.

Mercury started the car.

The safest route to the Fallen City, I thought, looking out the window at the Safe City moving past us. With a soldier who runs from falling shelves, a driver who had nothing under her skirt, a girl who counts infected with precision, and whatever charge I have left.

Let’s go.